When In Rome

By Dancing Imp

 

               It was gloomy and overcast as a squad of strangely dressed men approached the Tendo Dojo. The fact that they were oddly dressed had little impact on the morning joggers that passed them. Odd just wasn’t enough to warrant a reaction from a resident of Nerima. Even strange would get little more than a glance. It would take downright freaky to get anything more than a second look these days. A bunch of European men in medieval armor just didn’t rate anything higher than odd.

 

               “Are you sure this is the place?” The apparent leader spoke in proper English. He was the only one not at least partially covered in filth, which was a good indication of this fact.

 

               “Yes, my liege.” A man in blue and white armor answered. “According to that strange man, this is it.”

 

               “Well, should we knock or just charge in?”

 

               “We should probably kno-“ The leader was cut off as the body of a young man came flying out of a second floor window and landed on the ground in front of them. The men stared as the body stood up and dusted itself off for a moment before turning and saying something in a strange language.

 

               “What did he say?” The leader asked one of the others.

 

               “Oh, Engrish.” The young man answered instead. “What you want?”

 

               “Ah, good. Is this the Castle of Aaauuugh?”

 

               The young man blinked. “What?”

 

               “Is this the Castle of Aaauuugh?”

 

               “No. This Tendo Dojo.”

 

               “But that strange man with the odd headpiece said that this was the Castle of Aaauuugh.”

 

               “Who you, anyway?”

 

               “I am Arthur, King of the Britons!”

 

               “Ranma Saotome. King? Oh. You here for Akane.”

 

               “Akane?”

 

               “Yes. All king and prince come here, take Akane.”

 

               The blue and white clothed man leaned close to Arthur. “My liege, it is often said that ‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do.’ If it’s standard procedure for royalty to take this Akane, then perhaps we should.”

 

               “Ah, thank you, Sir Bedevere.” Turning back to the young man, Arthur spoke in a commanding voice. “Yes, we are here to take Akane.”

 

               The young man yawned loudly as his stomach grumbled. He seemed to consider something for a moment before speaking while pointing at another window on the second floor. “There Akane.” Switching back to Japanese, Ranma grumbled. “I’ll rescue her after I wake up and get some breakfast.”

 

               Ignoring the grumbles, the squad of knights charged into the house and stopped outside of the door that led to the room that held the window that Ranma had pointed towards. Knocking in a kingly fashion, Arthur waited only a couple of moments before the door opened to reveal a rather cute, short, raven-haired girl.

 

               “We are here for the Akane.”

 

               The girl blinked for a moment. “Wait a minute while I get dressed.” She closed the door and the men could hear movement inside. After a few minutes, the door opened again. “Okay. Which one of you do I get to hit?”

 

               “Pardon me?”

 

               “If I get kidnapped, I have to put up a fight or it’ll look bad. So which one of you do I get to hit?”

 

               Arthur turned back towards his men. He was a bit surprised to find that most of his men were sitting around a low table drinking what appeared to be tea while a young lady served them. “I need a volunteer.”

 

               “For what, my liege?” One of the men responded.

 

               “She needs to hit someone.”

 

               Sir Robin smirked as he mumbled to himself. “This’ll be easy.” He completely ignored his memories of the ‘cute bunny’ that had ripped several knights apart. “I’ll do it, your majesty!” He bolted up the stairs to stand before the girl. “Hit me with your best shot, little girl.”

 

               Arthur turned green and Sir Bedevere nearly lost his lunch at the sheer damage that the young lady perpetrated on Sir Robin. “I had no idea that a mallet could be so… painful.”

 

               Akane dusted her hands off. “Okay, I’m ready… let’s go.”

 

 

 

               A short time later, one of the men pointed at a small object approaching them. “Look at that! I haven’t had roast pig in a while! Shall we, your majesty?”

 

 

 

               A little bit later and many men less. “My liege, we found this strangely colored cat in our camp. I’m afraid we lost two knights in trying to capture her.”

 

 

 

               A few less men later. “My liege, is that a duck up there?”

 

 

 

               More men less. “Is that a dried up, shriveled, old monkey?”

 

 

 

               Some time later, Ranma came across the wreckage of the camp. After untying Akane, he looked around. “What happened here?”

 

               Akane shrugged. “Same old, same old.”

 

               “Oh well… I grabbed your homework from Miss Hinako.”

 

               “You went to school instead of rescuing me?!?”

 

               “Hey, mom said that if I let my grades slip any more, then she might not consider me ‘manly’. Get the idea?”

 

               “Oh… well, thanks for getting my homework.”

 

               “No problem.”