The Bat, The Bird, The Horse, and the Tomboy

Chapter 1 - R

Ranma sighed as he rearranged his backpack. It had only been one day since he left the Tendo dojo, and it already felt like too long. He had tried to fool himself into thinking he was just going on a long training journey, but he really was too smart for that. So in the end, he had to live with the biting loneliness that he hated so much.

He considered cursing Kannon, the goddess of mercy who had cursed him, but in his heart he knew she was right. He had killed, even if it was to save Akane’s life. May the kamis forgive him, he’d do it again if he had to. Knowing that the goddess was right, however, didn’t stop him from cursing his newest problem. ‘I can’t marry Akane or she’ll die,’ he thought to himself as he trudged across the countryside. ‘But maybe there is a cure, or a counter, or something that can help us out.’

That was the reason he was heading for Ryugenzawa. Maybe the water of life could stop the curse of death that hung over his head. Ranma really didn’t feel like dealing with the giant animals that roamed the forest, so he switched on the Umisenken, the secret technique his father had developed to erase his presence. He wasn’t sure how well it covered areas like hearing or smell, but he hoped it would be enough to avoid any complications here.

It took the better part of a day for him to finally find the cabin in the Ryugenzawa forest where Shinnosuke and his grandfather lived. Shinnosuke, with his absolutely abysmal short-term memory, didn’t remember him, but the old man did. “So, what brings you back, young man?” The old man asked with a smile.

Ranma scratched his head as he tried to figure out the best way to try and get the information he sought. “How much do ya know about the water of life?”

“As much as anybody. Why do you ask?”

“Well, if someone had a curse hangin’ over their head, and it was gonna kill somebody, could the water of life save them?”

The old man sat back and thought. “It would depend on how the curse was going to do it. If it was a disease or a fatal wound or some other ailment of the body, then yes it could save them. However if it was something instant, like being crushed to death in an avalanche or shot through the brain or something else like that, then no. The water has to have time to work. What is the nature of the curse?”

Ranma scratched his head and thought it over for a minute. He ended up giving the old man just the description of the curse, not its origins. When he was done, the old man frowned. “I’m afraid that the water of life probably won’t be able to do anything for you. The curse specifically stated that they would die. Depending on how powerful the one who gave it to you is, the curse will find a way to circumvent any defenses you put up. I’m sorry. I really like that Akane girl.”

“Akane?” Shinnosuke spoke up with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Hmmm… nope, can’t remember her.”

Ranma and the old man groaned as they buried their faces in their hands. Recovering quickly, Ranma stood and bowed. “Thanks fer tryin’. I gotta go.”

“Good luck and farewell, Ranma.”

“Who was that, grandfather?”

A loud whack echoed through the forest as Ranma walked away.

‘Well, if the water of life won’t work, and the curse will circusvent… circu… go around any defense we put up, I’ll just have to try and get some assistance from a deity. He pulled out a map of the area and noticed a shrine was within a short distance, only a day or so. “Next…”

Ranma sighed miserably as he stood on a pier. He spent weeks traveling across Japan and he had little to show for it. All of the mystic locations he had tried in Japan were a bust. He tried every temple in the country and even dared to return to the Asukasa Kannon Temple, but with no luck. He hadn’t really wanted to return to China since he had far too many potential enemies there, but it looked like there was little choice. He started mapping out in his head where he would go.

‘Well, I could always check with the Amazons… they might be willin’ ta help. Least I won’t have ta deal with getting’ married… course, the kiss of death could still be a problem. I’d go to Jusenkyo, but that’s a bit closer to Saffron’s place than I think is a good idea… We may have gotten outta there without too much hassle after I… killed…’ Ranma groused mentally, the emotional weight of Saffron’s death bearing down on him. ‘They ain’t likely to welcome me back. There’s the Musk, but they’re just as likely to try and pick a fight as ta help me. Then there’s the Seven Lucky Gods, but I don’t… hmmm… we may have parted on bad terms, but if they really are gods, then there just might be a chance that they could help me! I’ll put them at number two on my list. Now, all I have to do is get to China.’ His gaze settled upon the rolling waves that crashed against the dock. ‘I don’t have enough money to buy a ticket, and I really don’t feel like making that swim again.’ One particularly large wave crashed over the dock and thoroughly drenched the now female Ranma. “Although the sea sure seems happy to see me again,” she grumbled under her breath.

“Well, what a cutie… and standing all alone on the docks,” a grating voice commented from behind Ranma.

A glance over her shoulder revealed several sailor-looking guys, all with leers on their faces. ‘Oh, good… I can vent my frustrations.’ A wicked grin formed on her face as she turned to face them. “So, what are you guys looking at?”

“A cute young thing that looks like she wants some company. And we’d be proud to be your escorts.” The man’s eyes never left Ranma’s chest.

“Escorts,” one of the men snickered. “That’s a good one, Hidoshi.”

“And if I don’t want company?”

“Well, we’d have to insist. After all, these docks can be very dangerous, especially in the places where the lights are busted.”

“Buzz off, pal,” Ranma growled and turned away with a haughty sneer, knowing it would piss them off and probably make them attack her.

“Why you little-!” The man raised a fist as he came running at Ranma, causing her smirk to spread into a wide smile.

The beating was vicious and brutal. It was also just what Ranma needed. She stretched her arms over her head as she worked a few kinks out and she glanced over her shoulder at the prone forms of the sailors. “Thanks guys. I needed that.” She started to walk away when someone called out to her.

“Madame!”

Ranma spun around, ready for another attack. She relaxed when she saw a fairly well dressed fellow standing next to a car a good distance away. He smiled it what was supposed to be a reassuring way, but it reminded Ranma of a shark’s grin just a little too much. “Whadda ya want?”

“Allow me to introduce myself. I am Hidenori Nobehara.”

“Ranma Saotome. That all ya wanted?”

“Not at all, my dear lady. I merely felt that I should introduce myself to such a skilled fighter as you. It was a truly remarkable-“

“Yeah, yeah. Cut to the chase, wouldja? I’m tryin’ to figure out how ta get ta China and talkin’ to you doesn’t seem ta be doin’ the job.”

“China, you say? Why I can most certainly help you with that. You see, I run a private fighting tournament that travels the world and our next stop just happens to be in China. It’s based in Hong Kong and, if you were willing to fight in our tournament, we would be happy to provide transportation.”

Ranma frowned. “Yeah, right. One thing I learned from a friend of mine is that nothin’s that easy. What’s the catch?”

“The catch? Why, if you should win the tournament or place high enough to win a prize, then we would expect a finder’s fee. Say… fifty percent?”

Ranma thought it over. ‘Free trip ta China, some spendin’ money, and a chance ta fight without my life bein’ at risk?’ “Throw in free food, an’ yer on.”

Hidenori blinked at her a few times. ‘Not real quick on the uptake, is she?’ He thought to himself. “Then shall we say it’s a deal?” When Ranma shook his head, Hidenori smirked to himself. ‘The fool doesn’t even realize how much fighters can get paid. She’s willing to work for food.’ Yen signs danced through his head, mingling with monetary symbols from across the world.

“Great!” Ranma bounced excitedly. ‘Free ride, free eats, and controlled fightin’! Maybe my luck’s getting better!’

Ranma stepped onto the ship, which appeared to be a freighter, and looked around. Not that she had a lot of experience in the area, but it looked to her to be in excellent condition. The crew set Ranma’s nerves on edge a bit, but there was nothing openly hostile about them. What bothered her was the fact that they were Chinese and appeared to be wearing gang colors. She and her father had avoided the tongs and triad when they were in China, and she planned on keeping it that way. Ranma looked over at Hidenori as he motioned towards a stairwell leading down.

“This way, Ranma. We’ll get you settled in your cabin and then be on our way.”

“Thanks. One quick question: Ya ain’t tong or nothin’, are ya?” Ranma pointed towards the guys in the blue and red colors.

Hidenori smiled and leaned in conspiratorially. “In order to do business in Hong Kong, I’ve had to hire ‘guards’ from the Ghost Dragons. They don’t actually do anything. It is merely a formality to keep the common thugs from interfering with me. Don’t worry, you won’t have to deal with them at all.”

Ranma didn’t really believe him, but she figured she could handle anything a bunch of punks like them might try. ‘Might be fun ta crack a few skulls, too, especially if they deserve it. I haven’t fought anyone in a while who really needed ta get there head knocked around.’ She followed Hidenori down some stairs into a metal-lined corridor.

As they reached the bottom, someone called out to Hidenori. “Sir! The captain needs ya!”

Hidenori shook his head as he sighed. “Sometimes I wonder if he’s worth the money I pay him.” He turned to Ranma and motioned down the corridor. “Your cabin is the first one down the left corridor. I apologize for not being able to show you there myself.”

“No problem.” Ranma started walking down the hall as Hidenori climbed the stairs. Just as she got to the end of the first corridor, a hatch slammed closed. Ranma’s danger sense flared as the door at the top of the stairs slammed shut as well.

“What the hell’s goin’ on?!” She shouted as a hissing noise filled the hall. She tried shoving against the hatch, but the door held. Gritting her teeth against the anticipated pain she began striking the hatch. The metal began to vibrate as she brought her punches up to full Chestnut Fist speed. The noise from the scores of strikes echoed painfully down the corridor as the hatch began to bend. Ranma was mentally cursing her gullibility as the metal slowly began to buckle. Her joy was short lived as a haze settled over her mind. Just as the door fell from its hinges, her vision faded to black.

A huge Caucasian man with shoulder-length blonde hair slowly removed the gas mask he wore as he stood over Ranma’s unconscious body. “Hidenori, I want her fitted with a class three slave collar immediately. I also want a tracking device planted and guards around the clock. She will make an excellent addition to my plans, but only if we make her understand that I am in control.”

Ranma awoke with a migraine. Reaching up to rub her head she discovered that manacles were holding her hands together. They looked more like bracelets with a thick cable connecting them together. Looking down she noticed a similar pair on her ankles. An uncomfortable weight on her neck revealed a strange collar around her throat. The gentle rocking motion of the floor beneath her hinted that she was probably on the ship somewhere. She struggled to rise off of the bed she had been lying on as she looked around the room she was in. There was a small dresser with a mirror on it, and that was about it. Gazing into the mirror’s reflective surface, she came to an embarrassing realization. She was completely naked. Okay, so she hadn’t noticed it before. She had other things on her mind, and modesty was rarely one of those things. At that moment a voice came over a speaker hidden somewhere in the ceiling.

“Ah, it’s so good of you to join us again.” Whoever the voice was, it was not Hidenori. ‘Sounds like a gaijin.’

Ranma unleashed a string of expletives that would have surprised most of the people who knew her. The only response from the hidden speaker was a light chuckle.

“You win the bet, Hidenori. I would have expected more control from someone who fights as well as you said this one did.”

“I’ll show you control, jerk! Get yer ass down here!” Ranma threw a kick at the door.

“Ah ah ah, temper temper, my little fireball.”

Pain shot through Ranma as the collar around her neck glowed. She started to fall to her knees, but angry determination swept through her. ‘No way in hell is this guy beatin’ me.’ She pushed herself to her feet and glared at the ceiling. A few moments later the pain vanished.

“Intriguing. You are quite the interesting specimen.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a prime piece a meat. Ya still getting’ yer jollies offa me, or can I have my clothes back?”

“Tsk tsk, my dear. While it is your body that I am interested in, it is not your beauty. Besides, your clothes were in the most horrid condition. If you will just step away from the door, a servant will bring you a change of clothes. Oh, and before you entertain ideas of attacking my servant, understand that the collar you wear is quite capable of rendering you completely unconscious.”

A few moments later the door opened. Ranma moved at incredible speeds, throwing a jump kick with both feet. She never felt the impact as darkness claimed her again.

“I warned you.”

Ranma woke up again to an even worse headache. She rubbed her forehead and noticed that she still wore the manacles. Looking down she saw that the leg shackles were gone, but the weight on her neck let her know the collar was still there. She looked around and saw that she was still in that same room. Checking herself out she noticed that she was wearing a blue and red dress that would have looked more appropriate on Shampoo. Ranma growled something about ‘freakin’ perverts’ as she examined the door carefully. She looked down at her hands, grimacing at the badly bruised flesh. ‘Damn, steel hurts even more than Ryoga’s head.’ She decided not to try that again in the immediate future.

“Good. You’re awake.” Ranma glared as the voice echoed in the room. “There is another thing that I should warn you about. Do not attempt to remove that collar. It is booby-trapped to kill the wearer should it be improperly removed.”

Ranma decided not to argue with him for now.

“I take your silence as acceptance. Good. Now, though Hidenori speaks well of your skills, I would prefer to experience them for myself. The door will open in a moment. You are to follow the man who will be waiting. He will take you to the proving ring. Do not disappoint me. Serve me well and I will reward you with luxury. If you fail, you will suffer greatly before you die.”

“Like I ain’t heard that before,” Ranma growled under her breath. “So who the hell are ya, anyway?”

“You may call me King Snake.”

“Yeah, well you can call me yer mongoose, shithead,” Ranma growled under her breath.

“I heard that.” Pain lanced through Ranma again and she decided to keep her mouth shut… at least until she got the damn collar off.

The ring was in the cargo area of the ship. There was no padding on the ground, just cold, hard steel. The sides were marked with red tape and dozens of rough looking men, all dressed in the blue and red outfits she had seen before. Ranma was led into the center of the ring with a man who looked like a stereotypical pit fighter, which meant that he had a few scars and a face that had seen better days.

“This is your initiation challenge.” This time the voice did not come from a hidden speaker, but from a Caucasian man sitting on a throne-like chair. He had a build like a weight lifter with shoulder-length blonde hair and a snake tattoo on his bare chest. Dark sunglasses hid his eyes.

“Challenge? Her/Him?” Ranma and the fighter looked at each other as they spoke in unison.

“You will fight. Now.”

On the word ‘now’, the pit fighter moved forward with a lazy kick that even a first year student could have blocked. Ranma, however, was in no mood to dance, not to mention the fact that her knuckles still hurt like hell. She let the kick connect with her gut and a sneer appeared on her opponent’s face. The sneer vanished instantly as Ranma quickly grabbed his ankle and gave a vicious twist, dropping the man onto the ground. The manacles she wore had enough give so that she had no problem with them. A quick kick to the back of the man’s head knocked the man unconscious. She yanked on his foot, pulling his shoe off.

“Good.”

Ranma looked up at the man. “So who the hell are ya anyways?”

“I am known as King Snake and I am your new master.”

“Master this, asshole.” Ranma flipped King Snake the bird.

The assembled crew fell into a shocked silence. “You will learn,” King Snake growled. He stabbed a button on a remote control that he held in his hand.

Once again pain shot through Ranma’s body as the collar glowed. She smirked to herself as her eyes focused on the remote. ‘Gotcha.’

King Snake’s voice caught her attention again. “You will fight the next round with the collar activated. Let’s see how you handle that.”

Ranma glared at him but she bit back a sarcastic insult. “So, who’s the next sap that’s gonna visit dreamland?” She tossed her newly acquired shoe into the air and caught it a few times.

Ranma’s attention was drawn to part of the crowd as a woman was shoved roughly into the ring. Ranma noticed that she was wearing the same cuffs and collar as she did. The woman looked Japanese and she seemed to be fairly athletic. She also looked like hell. Ranma’s anger grew swiftly as the woman fell into a combat stance across from her. ‘This chick is decent. I’d guess at least a black belt. But she ain’t got a chance against me. And those bastards beat her. This ends now.’

Ranma turned to face the man who called himself King Snake. “You want me to fight her? Well tough shit, pal. I don’t perform fer nobody. And I ain’t scareda this collar either.” Ranma tossed the shoe with both hands, aiming right for the remote in the King Snake’s hand. Her smirk turned to a look of disbelief as he moved far faster than she had expected.

‘Shit, he’s still got it! Gotta get this collar off NOW!’ Ranma’s concentrated her ki into her hands as she struck the collar with her palms. A sharp ‘ping!’ heralded the collars destruction. Faster than the human eye could follow, she grabbed the offending item and threw it at the remote again. King Snake’s reaction surprised her as this time he let the remote drop and he dove for cover. Ranma watched idly as it collided with a crate and detonated in a spectacular fireball. Ranma’s smirk vanished as another detonation ripped through that part of the cargo bay.

‘Aw, shit! They had explosives in there! Then again, criminals, gun running, makes sense.’’ She dove into the group of toughs that were between her and the remote. The gang members didn’t even bother fighting her since they were too busy running for their lives. Daylight streamed in through a gaping hole in the ceiling, highlighting Ranma as she managed to grab the remote. Her look of victory changed to confusion as she realized she had no way to disarm the other girl’s collar. Ranma ran to the woman, who was looking around in shock as the crew ran in every direction. Some of them were trying to put out the fires while others were more interested in saving their own skin as more detonations ripped through the ship. Ranma took one last look around but failed to see King Snake anywhere. “Come on!” She yelled at the girl. “We gotta get outta here!”

When the woman just stood there staring at her dumbly, Ranma groaned and grabbed her by the waist. Flipping the girl onto her shoulder, Ranma jumped up and out of the hole in the deck of the ship. Once topside, she yelled, “Are there any others?”

“What?” Came the confused reply.

“Prisoners! Are there any other prisoners?”

“N-No.”

“Good! I sure hope you can swim!” Ranma leapt off of the deck and into the water as the ship rocked with more explosions.

“You idiot!”

Ranma grit her teeth as the other girl threw a piece of floating debris at her for the third time. “What’s yer problem, you stupid girl?”

“I was planning on escaping with a lifeboat before you went and blew up the whole damn ship!”

“Yeah, right! Like it’s my fault they were carryin’ so much stuff that could blow up! I was tryin’ ta save ya!”

“Oh, good save! Now we’re stuck in gods know what ocean, gods know how far from gods know where, and it’s all your fault!”

“Like I ain’t heard that one all my life!”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me you idiotic jerk!”

“Why don’t you just give your mouth a rest and keep yer mind on stayin’ afloat?”

Ranma and the girl settled for glaring at each other as they tread water a fair distance away from the sinking ship. Debris was still raining down around them as secondary explosions continued to go off. After a few moments, Ranma noticed the girl’s eyelids begin to droop. Cursing she kicked her way towards the woman as she started to slip beneath the water.

“Aw, shit! Don’t pass out on me now, you stubborn girl! Ya need to stay afloat!” ‘She musta been beat up worse than she looked,’ Ranma noted glumly. ‘Shit, and I don’t know which way it is ta the nearest land. Hell, I ain’t even sure which way is what right now… why do I feel like Ryoga all of a sudden?’ Ranma tried desperately to keep the other girl’s head above water as the girl passed out, but the manacles were making it difficult. Grunting against the pain and strain she concentrated and after a few moments managed to stress the material past its breaking point. She slipped her arm around the girl’s torso and managed to keep her above water.

A few minutes passed as the ship slowly slid beneath the waves. Ranma was far enough away to not be able to tell how many people got off of it. She did notice something, however. It was triangular, grayish, and cutting through the water towards her. ‘Shit! Shark!’ She might have been able to handle the creature if she were alone, but the effort of keeping the unconscious girl afloat killed most of her fighting ability.

An idea occurred to her. ‘Hope to hell this thing works like the other.’ She grabbed the collar and put all of her strength into snapping it in two. The moment she felt it give, she threw it straight at the fin. The collar slipped into the water just as it detonated. A geyser of water erupted, followed a few minutes later by bits of shark raining down around her. Ranma was grateful that the girl was unconscious as a bloody chunk of the shark landed on her head, covering her in blood. ‘Probably woulda blamed it on me, just like… dammit.’ She did not need that line of thinking right now.

A minute later she felt a strange sensation on her head. It felt like something had decided to land on her head. She tried to shake whatever it was off, but to no avail. Suddenly her vision was obscured by something she never expected to see again. After all, how often does one find a duck wearing glasses?

“Mousse?!” Ranma yelled in surprise. The duck quacked at her once before taking off into the sky. A few moments after the avian vanished into the low clouds a ship descended from them.

“Aw, hell… just what I need… Kirin… sonuvabitch. Maybe if I hold real still he won’t notice me. But why would Mousse and Kirin be out here?” Ranma felt a tug on her arms as her lack of attention caused the girl to begin sliding beneath the waves. “Shit!” She struggled hard to keep the girl afloat. “Screw it. She’ll die if I don’t get help.” Gritting her teeth, she hoped she wasn’t making a big mistake.

“YO! Down here! Hey!!! Need help!!!” She cried out as she struggled to stay afloat. She watched as the ship slowly descended towards her. Ranma glanced down at the girl as she waited for it to come closer. “You better appreciate the effort, lady.” As Ranma’s gaze returned to the ship, she felt her blood run cold. Two more fins were cutting through the water towards her. Ranma vaguely remembered a teacher mentioning sharks and feeding frenzies. He also remembered a certain tomboy commenting that sharks had nothing on Ranma. ‘Never thought THAT would come back to haunt me…’

A large splash to the side startled Ranma and it took her a moment to realize that someone had jumped into the ocean from the ship above. As the sharks neared, the unknown person surfaced next to Ranma. Ranma stared at her for a moment. It was a Chinese woman with one of the freakiest hairstyles he had ever seen. Ranma noticed that her hair, despite being thoroughly soaked, was managing to stand straight up. It was black, but shot through with white. ‘Kinda reminds me of that gaijin flick… ‘Fiancé of Furinkansomethin’’’ Ranma remembered her most pressing problem and pointed towards the closing fins. “SHARKS!” She yelled, praying to anyone who would listen that the woman understood and could do something about them.

The woman didn’t say anything, she just ducked under the water. Ranma felt some turbulence in the ocean and realized that the woman was swimming towards the sharks. ‘She’s either nuts or she’s got a trick up her sleeve. For her sake I hope it ain’t the first one.’

The sharks were only a dozen yards away when there was a sharp crackling noise. A painful shock, much like what the slave collar had given her, ran through her body. Arcs of electricity bounced back and forth between the two shark fins as Ranma grimaced in pain. She checked the unconscious girl’s pulse and was relieved that it was still steady, even if it did seem a bit weak.

As Ranma looked back at the sharks, she noticed that the number of fins had doubled. She tried to figure out the mystery when it occurred to her that the fins weren’t moving. She realized that the sharks were floating upside down. ‘Damn, what the hell did she hit ‘em with?’

A splash to her side caught Ranma’s attention as the strange woman surfaced nearby. She looked at Ranma for a moment before looking up. Ranma followed her gaze and saw Mousse circling over their heads. The woman made some strange motions with her hands.

“Hey, who are ya?” Ranma called out to her.

The woman looked over at her casually before looking back up at Mousse. She gave him a nod and then turned to stare at Ranma intently.

“Who are ya?” Ranma asked again. The woman just stared at her some more. “Uh, can you talk?”

“Yes,” the woman responded in Japanese with a Chinese accent.

“Who are you?” Asked for the third time and found herself growing irritated, despite the fact that the woman had managed to take out two sharks.

The woman remained silent. Ranma was really getting angry. “Fine. If ya won’t tell me who ya are, wouldja tell me how the hell didja take out those sharks?”

“She has a sparkling personality.”

Ranma nearly sprained her neck as her head snapped around to look up at the source of the new voice. An incredibly tall and well-muscled Japanese woman was dangling from a rope ladder that was suspended from the floating ship.

“What the hell?”

The woman was guiding a net that was suspended from the ship by four ropes, one at each corner. “Put Harumi in the net, miss.”

“Who the hell’s Harumi?” Ranma glanced down at the unconscious girl in her arms. “Oh, duh… right.” She managed, with the other women’s assistance, to get Harumi into the net. Ranma watched anxiously as the net rose with its passenger.

“Your turn, lady.” The tall woman held out her hand to Ranma, who took it cautiously. After making sure Ranma had a good grip, she handed a harpoon to the other lady and hefted another one herself. The weapons were connected to steel cables attached to the ship. Ranma tried to figure out what they were for, but it became obvious when the tall woman took aim and threw hers at one of the sharks. Ranma took one last look as the lady with the freaky hair swam towards the other shark.

“And that’s dinner,” the tall woman said with a smile as she indicated for Ranma to follow her up the ladder.

It was a long climb, but once they managed to get onto the deck Ranma noticed that the ship wasn’t just floating in the air. Giant gears were moving enormous helicopter-like propellers on top of tall poles around the ship. The deck was covered in metal plates and grates that seemed almost randomly placed. The bolts holding the plates down were obviously oversized for their purposes and Ranma began to really consider jumping back into the water. ‘This ship gives me the creeps.’ There was something about the vessel that had his danger sense on a low-level alert. It could have just been her nerves, or it might have been something more. She wasn’t sure yet.

There were several women working on the decks, most of who were clad in leather armor. There seemed to be quite a mix of nationalities, which eased Ranma’s worries about the possibility of Amazons. Her attention was brought back to the ladder as the tall woman lifted herself over the railing. Without really thinking about it, Ranma reached over to help her and Freaky-Hairdo Lady, who had also climbed up. As she did she finally got a clear look at both.

Standing around six and a half feet high, the Japanese lady was probably the tallest woman Ranma had ever met. She had wild black hair that drifted down to her waist and her body was powerfully muscled. The style of black leather clothing she wore, looking more like old armor, combined with her hair to give her a very barbaric appearance. The woman with the weird hairstyle was dressed similarly, but in white leather instead. She was also much shorter, unless you counted her hair. She appeared to be Chinese and there was a light smell of ozone around her.

The tall woman looked down at Ranma. “Was there anyone else on the ship?”

“Besides those assholes, the only other person I knew of was that stubborn chick,” Ranma replied gruffly while trying to shake the water out of her hair. “You guys friends of Kirin’s or somethin’?”

The tall woman’s eyes narrowed dangerously for a moment. “Why? Are you?”

“Nah. I just don’t feel like dealin’ with any friends of his right now.”

“I see. Do you know what happened to that ship over there?”

“Yeah, it blew up.”

The woman closed her eyes and appeared to be counting to ten. “Obviously. Do you know why?”

“Yeah. Somethin’ they were haulin’ blew up.”

“I see. Well, that saves us the effort of sinking the ship ourselves.”

Ranma stared at the woman. “You guys pirates or somethin’?”

The woman gave her a sideways glance as she ran a hand through her hair. “Only sometimes. Right now we’re rescue workers.”

“Yeah? Well, lucky for me you guys happened to be in the area,” Ranma commented dubiously.

“Oh, it wasn’t luck, Red. We came to get back a friend of ours who was kidnapped by those… people.”

“You mean that stubborn chick? And my name ain’t Red.”

The woman’s eyebrow twitched. “Her name is Harumi. And if you don’t want me to call you Red, then why don’t you tell me your name?”

Ranma shrugged. “Name’s Ranma Saotome.”

“Kiku Kikumura.”

“Grand.” Ranma looked around for a moment as some concern entered her thoughts. “Hey is whasername… uh, Harumi, right… she gonna be all right?”

Kiku nodded. “She just needs some rest and minor medical attention.”

“Great. So, now what?”

“That depends on you.”

Ranma felt her temper flaring again. “Look, I’ve had a rough day. I was kidnapped, stripped, electrocuted, forced into a fight, nearly blown up, dumped in the ocean, and almost shark bait. And I still need ta get ta China, so I’m not in the mood fer playin’ around.”

“China? What’s in China?”

“Some shit I gotta do,” Ranma answered defensively.

Kiku gave Ranma a calculating look for a few moments. Suddenly her bearing shifted and her whole attitude changed. “Perhaps we got started off on the wrong foot. Thank you for helping Harumi and welcome aboard the TPoC. I am the first mate, Kiku Kikumura. Is there anything we can do to help you in return?”

Ranma started to respond when her stomach growled loudly.

Kiku smiled. “Would you like a tour of our galley?”

Kiku lead Ranma down some stairs into the ship. Ranma had a strong flash of deja vu. She froze at the bottom of the stairs and eyed the exit. Kiku noticed her reaction and gave her a quizzical look. Ranma reluctantly started following her again after noticing that there was no door or hatch that could block the exit. The fact that the walls were made out of wood also made her feel better. Kiku stepped into a cabin, but she made motions for Ranma to wait outside. Ranma’s paranoia flared again, but she waited as asked. A few minutes later Kiku reappeared, or at least Ranma thought it was Kiku. The leather armor was gone and she was now wearing a nice kimono. Her hair was combed into a neat ponytail that fell gracefully down her back. She held out her hands and Ranma recognized it as the leather armor that Kiku had been wearing earlier.

“It’s a bit big for you, but I thought you might appreciate getting out of that wet clothing.”

Ranma blinked in surprise. “Th-thanks.” She stepped into the cabin as Kiku closed the door. Her gaze roamed over the room, taking in its contents. A desk was against one wall and a bookshelf covered the other. Ranma didn’t recognize most of the titles, but he was surprised by the wide variety of languages that they were written in. There was also a large wardrobe and a comfortable looking bed. She peeled what was left of the dress off of her and did her best to make the armor fit. Her breasts, which were much larger than Kiku’s, helped take up a lot of the slack in the shirt, but the pants drooped badly. She ended up having to use the dress like a belt and roll up the legs quite a bit to get the pants to fit right.

When Ranma stepped back into the hallway, Kiku couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. “Don’t take offense, but you really look like something that drowned.”

Ranma shrugged. “Not my fault those bastards took my clothes.”

“Well, don’t worry. We’ll try and find you something that fits better later. For now, let’s get some food inside of you. But first, I’ll show you to your cabin.”

“Hey, you won’t get any argument from me.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Kiku replied with a smirk.

Kiku led Ranma to another hallway and a cabin. “This will be yours while you’re with us.” As Ranma looked around the room, Kiku watched her.

“Is everyone a girl here? I didn’t notice any guys on the way here.” ‘Well, other than Mousse that is,’ Ranma corrected mentally.

Kiku smiled. “There are a couple of males on the ship. Colt and Jyu. Other than that, we are all female.”

Ranma eyed Kiku nervously. “Yer not Amazons, are ya?”

Kiku smirked. “A couple of us were, but no. The reason most of the crew are women is because men have a difficult time following the rules.”

“Rules?” Ranma felt a sense of dread at that word.

“Rule one, judge not lest ye be judged yourself. Some of us come from dysfunctional families and we refuse to let ourselves become one. Rule two, if you have enemies, you must tell either the captain or me. We would rather know about potential problems or threats before they hit us. Rule three, if you are not serious about it, you do not do it. That means you do not insult unless you mean it, you do not promise if you do not intend on following through, and you do not ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’. Rule four, personal secrets are to be shared only if the one keeping the secret feels comfortable doing so. After that, everything is decided on a case by case basis.” Kiku smiled a little. “As you can probably guess, a lot of men have a difficult time with number three.”

“But Colt and Jyu don’t?”

Kiku shook his head. “Colt and his twin sister Rally grew up on board the TPoC. Everyone here is like a big sister to him. Jyu… falls under the heading of rule four.”

Ranma nodded in understanding. Something occurred to her. “When I was climbin’ up the ladder, I saw some writin’ on the ship. It looked like a lot more than a few letters.”

Kiku smirked. “TPoC is an acronym.”

“A what?”

“Never mind. TPoC is short for Total Piece of Crap.”

“Ya call yer ship a total piece of crap?” Ranma looked around. “I’ve seen a lot worse, though it’s definitely the weirdest ship I’ve seen.”

Kiku chuckled lightly. “We don’t call it that. That’s the name that was written on it when the captain acquired the ship.”

“Oookay…”

“<Hey, Bakemono!>” A voice called out in English. Ranma and Kiku looked over and saw two girls waving at them from down the hall. Ranma blinked to make sure that she wasn’t seeing double since both girls, who looked to be his age, appeared to be nearly identical. Only their clothing really showed any difference. Kiku waved to them and both girls came over, one moving to stand beside Kiku and the other next to Ranma. “<Is this the hero?>”

Kiku nodded with a smile. “Ranma, this is Maggie and Jessie. Jessie is the one next to you.” She switched to English and continued the introductions, “<Maggie, Jessie, this is Ranma.>”

“Hero?” Ranma asked curiously. Her English stank, but she was pretty sure one of the girls just called her a hero.

Jessie nodded. “Save you Harumi did.” Ranma saw Kiku grimace at the bad Japanese.

“Word travels fast on board,” Kiku commented to Ranma. “You’ll find that a lot of people are grateful for your helping Harumi.”

Ranma shrugged. “It’s a martial artist’s duty to help those who can’t protect themselves.”

Jessie suddenly grabbed Ranma in a hug as Maggie hugged Kiku. “<Bye, hero! Bye, Bakemono!>” The two girls skipped down the hall.

“Ooooooookay…” Ranma commented. “Why did they keep calling you ‘Beast’?”

Kiku smirked. “It’s an inside joke among the crew. Whenever we have to deal with outsiders, I do my best to look like a deranged barbarian.”

“Ah, okay. I guess that ain’t too weird. I’ve run into some names that sounded pretty funny, after all. Cologne, Shampoo, Mousse…”

Kiku’s nodded. “Chinese Amazons? How did you meet them?”

Ranma nodded back. “Yeah. They’ve been tryin’ ta pick a fight with me since I met ‘em. Ta kill me or ta make me join their village, dependin’ on the day of the week. I’d rather not go into it. ‘Sides, it’s pointless now.” Ranma’s mood grew dark as unwanted memories came back to her.

Kiku noted the attitude shift and became concerned. “If you met any Amazons again, would there be any problems?”

Ranma shook her head. “Naw, I pretty much ended up not really givin’ a flip about ‘em, and they decided ta leave me alone. If they don’t bug me, I’ll return the favor.”

“Ah…” Kiku took a sip of tea. “You mentioned Kirin earlier. Would you mind telling me about it?”

Ranma shook her head. “Nah. He showed up, called my… friend his new wife and kidnapped her. I kicked his ass and got her back.”

Kiku blinked. “I’m not calling you a liar, but I find it difficult to believe you did that by yourself.”

Ranma smirked. “Well, some friends came along ta help. The Amazons were some of ‘em. But I was the one that kicked Kirin’s ass and wrecked his temple.”

“How did you do that?”

“Used a martial arts technique to create a water tornado right in the middle of the complex. Ripped that place apart.”

Kiku nodded and smiled. “The Flying Dragon Ascension Wave, correct?”

Ranma blinked. “You know it?”

“I know of it. I told you some of our crew were Amazons. That’s why I asked if there would be any problems between you and Amazons. We’ve had a few bad encounters with Kirin and his servants. They seem to think that they rule the skies. They also claim that this ship was stolen from them. We don’t know who made it, but the captain informed us that she acquired it fair and square. Well, Ranma… if rescuing Harumi wasn’t enough, the fact that you smacked Kirin around has made you a plethora of new friends on this ship.”

“That’s great.” Ranma paused for a moment. “Uhm, Kiku?”

“Yes?”

“What’s a plethora?”

A male voice came from down the hall. “It means ‘a large number’.”

Ranma and Kiku looked at the speaker. “Jyu! Good work on tracking that ship.”

Ranma had been about to call out Mousse’s name, but Kiku calling him Jyu stopped her.

“It was the least I could do.” Mousse spoke to Kiku, but he was staring intently at Ranma. The first mate noticed this and looked back and forth between the two.

“Do you two know each other?” Kiku asked curiously.

Neither Ranma nor Mousse answered for a few moments. The tension level rose until Ranma finally answered. “Yeah… He was about as close to a friend that I ever had among the Amazons.”

Kiku noted the tension level easing off and relaxed some. “Do you mind a third wheel, or would you two like some privacy?” Ranma was a little surprised by the offer and it showed on her face. Kiku just smiled at her. “Rule four, remember? We don’t pry and we respect the privacy of others.”

Ranma nodded and looked at Mousse. “’Sup to you.”

Mousse turned towards Kiku and bowed deeply. “I… regretfully request some privacy.”

The first mate patted the man on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, Jyu. You’re family now, remember that. I really should report to the captain anyway. When you’re done talking, would you mind taking Ranma to the galley?”

Mousse nodded. “It would be my honor.”

Ranma waited until they were alone and then motioned for Mousse to step into the room. She closed the door behind him. “So, what’s up, Mousse? Or is it Jyu?” She invited him to sit in the only chair in the room.

Mousse didn’t sit so much as collapse into the seat with his hands in his lap. “I know that you do not respect me, Saotome. And if you choose to tell everyone of my shame, I will understand it as my penance for all of the wrongs I perpetrated against you and your loved ones.”

That comment stopped Ranma’s sarcastic response. “Yer shame? What are ya talkin’ about? Ain’t you and Shampoo an item now?” A sudden thought ran through her head and her eyes went wide. “Is she…”

“She is alive and well and _perfectly happy_,” Mousse said the last bit with an almost angry growl as his fingers bunched up the robes over his legs. “She encountered an outsider who was able to beat her in combat.”

Ranma blinked. “Again? But, why are you here? When I beat Shampoo, you hunted me down.”

Mousse grabbed his glasses from his face and nearly crushed them in his hands, but he managed to stop himself. “I thought as you did, that after you were no longer an obstacle she would see how much I cared for her. But apparently she did not see it that way. When we got back to the village. I tried to comfort her. She wasn’t handling what happened to you very well and she became enraged. She demanded, as was her right as Champion of our village, that I be ordered to stay away from her. Cologne and the other Elders agreed. I thought them all fools for not acknowledging how much I had done for her. And then he came.”

Ranma watched as Mousse shook with barely controlled fury. “He was seeking to make a name for his style of martial arts and he decided that our village would be a good place. So he challenged Shampoo to a fight… and he won. I flew into a rage when I saw Shampoo being forced into another marriage to an outsider. I attacked him, but they both fought back. I couldn’t believe she was protecting him. After that, the Council ordered me exiled from the village since I obviously could not follow their laws.” Mouse sneered viciously. “Their laws…”

Ranma stayed silent as Mousse stared at the glasses in his hand. After a few moments he was able to continue. “Even my own mother voted for me to be cast out… of everyone I have met, I think only you can quite know the sense of betrayal that caused.”

Ranma remembered how having her mother trying to force her to commit seppuku felt. She reached across the table to put her hand on his shoulder. “Yeah.”

Mousse smiled just a little at the show of support. “But what made me realize just how much of my life was wasted was what I saw when I came back that night. I snuck past the guards and into Shampoo’s house… she…” Ranma watched as tears cascaded down Mousse’s face. “There would be no annulment of her marriage this time. And she was enjoying it.”

Ranma put a hand on his shoulder. “Damn, man… I’m sorry.”

Mousse shook his head. “You are not at fault. I finally realized that. It was me. My obsession, my actions, my desires… they are what ruined any chance of happiness with Shampoo. I always blamed others, or when there were no others to blame, I’d blame my vision… but it was me the whole time. I ran away from it all. I wandered aimlessly from place to place. After months of sleeping on trains and ships without caring where I was going, I found myself airborne. I had fallen asleep on the TPoC. They accepted me as a member of the crew. Now I would do anything for them."

Ranma nodded. “So you were trackin’ those slavers to try an’ help out Harumi, right? So, what’s up with this Jyu stuff?”

Mousse sighed. “They found me on that first day just after I woke up. I expected them to throw me overboard or lock me up like all of the other ships had. Instead they asked if I was hungry. They offered me food, a bath, a soft place to sleep… they accepted me. I can’t tell you how that made me feel. No accusations, no judgement, just caring acceptance. After I was cleaned up, they asked me my name. I realized that I had wasted my entire life playing the fool, so that became my name. Jyu is Cantonese for fool.”

“Ah… so, do you want me to call you that? I wouldn’t really feel right doin’ it.”

“I… don’t know.”

“Tell ya what. I’ll call ya Mousse still, and if the others ask, ya can just say it’s somethin’ that I call ya. It ain’t a lie, after all.”

Mousse smiled at her. “Saotome, you never cease to surprise me. Thank you.”

“No problem.”

Mousse nodded. “I… is… how’s…” His voice trailed off into a nervous chuckle.

Ranma shook her head. “No change. Everyone else got somethin’ outta this but me… an’ Akane. When I left a few weeks ago, she still hadn’t gotten nothin’, but everyone else did.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Wasn’t yer fault. Hell, you were tryin’ ta help me an’ Akane in the end, so what the hell do I have ta complain about you?”

“If I may ask, what did everyone get? I am now convinced that Ryuu Kumon was Shampoo’s gi-“ Mousse stopped as Ranma started banging the back of her head repeatedly against the wall. “Ranma?” Mousse feared that Ranma was striking the wood hard enough to splinter it.

“God. Damn. Fucking. Bitch. Kannon.” Ranma’s head pounding into the wall punctuated each word.

“Ranma, you’re scaring me.”

Ranma stopped and looked at Mousse. “Well, if that ain’t just the fuckin’ joke of the year.”

“What?” Mousse was extremely confused.

Bitterness flowed from Ranma as she explained. “Ryuu Kumon. Also known as ‘the other Ranma’. He went around calling himself Ranma for years, tryin’ ta track down pops and me so that he could steal one of pop’s forbidden techniques. And Kannon decided to have him an’ Shampoo hitch up. Ain’t we just a couple of suckers.”

Mousse just stared at Ranma as the information sank in, and then he began laughing. It was light at first, but it quickly built up into an almost maniacal cackle. “So I lost Shampoo to Ranma after all! Hahahahahaa!” Mousse’s laughter degraded into tears.

Ranma calmed down “You gonna be okay?” She asked.

“Yes. It’s just that the irony of the moment caught me off guard.”

“Yeah, I know the feelin’. But to answer yer earlier question, Ryoga don’t get lost anymore, Kasumi’s attendin’ medical school and is engaged ta Tofu, Nabiki’s got some big-shot job someplace in America, Ukyo an’ her family made up an’ she an’ Konatsu are married, Ryoga and Akari are married, mom an’ pops moved next door ta Mr. Tendo, an’ I got a kid sister now, so mom gets ta be a real mom like she couldn’t be with me.”

Mousse slowly shook his head. “So even in the blessings, there is pain for you. Truly Kannon is a most unmerciful goddess of mercy.”

“No shit… ya know what really pisses me off? The fact that she’s right… I killed, Mousse… I killed.”

The thick silence that followed was shattered by a loud growling noise from Ranma’s stomach. Mousse smirked some. “The famous Saotome stomach. Let’s go bury our sorrows in a mountain of food from the well stocked galley of the Total Piece of Crap, shall we?”

“Yer on.”

The galley was abuzz as the two martial artists entered. Ranma noticed Kiku seated next to Freaky Hair Lady.

“I’ll go cook for us, Ranma. Grab a seat and I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

Ranma nodded and smiled. “Thanks.” Deciding it was as good a place as any, she sat down next across from Kiku and next to Freaky Hair Lady.

Kiku smiled at her. “Is everything well?” Ranma nodded and she continued. “I believe you met Raijuu, albeit briefly. Raijuu, this is Ranma Saotome.”

Ranma nodded to her and she just smirked back at the redhead. Ranma raised an eyebrow and decided to ask the question that had been bugging her for a while. “How didja take out those sharks?”

“Gave it a shock,” Raijuu answered simply.

Ranma scratched her head. “Duh. I saw that. But how?”

“Chinese secret.”

“Anyone ever tell ya you talk too much?” Ranma grumbled, much to Kiku and Raijuu’s amusement.

Kiku looked at something over Ranma’s shoulder. She turned around to see what was up and witnessed Harumi hobbling into the galley. A black woman assisted her. When Harumi’s gaze fell on Ranma, she moved in her direction. Everyone in the galley offered greetings and sympathies to her as she moved to sit at the table next to Kiku.

The first mate looked at the woman with her with a neutral expression. “Doc, what is she doing out of sickbay?”

The woman shrugged. “Except for some bad bruising and malnutrition, she’s actually fine. She wanted to get some food and see everyone again, and who am I to refuse a pretty lady?”

Kiku nodded her acceptance. “All right. Doc, this is Ranma. Ranma, this is our ship’s doctor, Doc. And before you ask, no we don’t know her real name.”

Ranma looked at the woman in confusion. “So, everyone just calls ya ‘doc’?”

Doc nodded. “I prefer it that way.” She noticed Ranma’s hands and frowned. “And why haven’t you seen me yet?”

Ranma blinked. “Huh?”

Doc pointed at her hands. “I’d like to inspect those.”

Ranma waived her concerns off. “I’ve had worse. Sides, I can tell nothin’s broken. Just bruised. Punchin’ through steel’ll do that”

Doc was about to argue when Mousse’s voice emerged from the kitchen. “You might as well give it up, Doc. He’s given lessons to mules on how to be stubborn.”

Kiku frowned for a moment. “He?”

Ranma panicked for a moment. “He said ‘she’.”

Kiku shook her head. “My hearing’s pretty good, and I could swear he said ‘he’.”

“Why would he say ‘he’? I mean, I’m obviously female. See!” Ranma lifted up the vest she was wearing, revealing her rather healthy assets.

Kiku and Raijuu just stared in surprise while Doc eyed her chest with a little more than medical interest. Harumi fumed. “Have you no modesty, you idiot?”

Ranma growled as she yanked her shirt back down. “What do you know, you stubborn chick?”

Harumi’s eyebrow twitched as she grew angrier. “Stubborn chick? At least I’m not some idiot that blows up a ship when there’s no land for miles! We could have been in the middle of the ocean for all you knew! What were you planning on doing, swimming a couple hundred miles?”

“Why not,” Ranma yelled, “I did it before!”

“Yeah right!”

“Me an pops had to swim ta China and back once! I coulda handled it as long as I wasn’t dealin’ with an uncute deadweight tomboy like you!”

Dead silence. Ranma realized that even the normal sounds of eating had stopped. Her gaze wandered the room and she blinked at the shocked looks she witnessed as everyone stared at her. “What?”

Kiku seemed to be shaking badly. “Ranma… when… did you make this swim?”

Ranma scratched her head. “Uh, about two years ago.”

“Were… you with a panda by any chance?”

“Uh, yeah… how didja know?” She looked at the kitchen. “Hey, you tell ‘em about my trainin’ trip, Mousse?”

“Not me Saotome. But then again, I never mentioned Jusenkyo either.” Ranma caught the hidden message, but she was distracted by the sudden array of wicked smiles that seemed to be plastered on just about everyone’s face.

“Uh…” Ranma began to panic.

“Ohhhhhh, Kiiiiikuuuuuu!” The crew chanted in unison.

The first mate had her face buried in her hands and she seemed to be fighting back tears. “Raijuu, go get the captain… you know what to tell her.”

Raijuu skipped her way merrily out of the galley as snickers and hushed comments flowed around the room.

“Uh, what the hell’s goin’ on?”

Harumi smirked. “Oh, the first mate just remembered one of the laws of this crew.”

“What, you mean those four rules?”

“Nope. It’s more like Murphy’s Law. You know, ‘Everything that can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible time in the worst possible way’? Well, Crew’s Law number three, ‘If Silent says she saw an invisible man, then you better shower in a bathing suit.’”

Ranma just scratched her head in confusion. “Oookay.”

Harumi rolled her eyes. “It’s one of those ‘you had to be there’ things. Basically, Silent has the best eyes any of us have ever heard of.”

Ranma watched as Kiku slowly stood up, her eyes still closed. A few minutes later Raijuu returned with another woman. Ranma did a double take when she saw what the woman was wearing. If a more stereotypical pirate costume existed anywhere in the world, Ranma would have been surprised. It was complete with a stuffed parrot strapped to one shoulder and a patch over her right eye.

“<Arrrgh, and is what I be hearin’ correct? Have ye admitted that Silent was right?>” the lady asked in heavily accented English that Ranma only barely managed to follow.

“<Captain Roan, I admit that… Silent… was right,>” Kiku replied slowly.

“<Arrrgh! Well then, I guess you->” The captain stared in confusion as Kiku put one hand over her right eye and then moved it to her left. A look of dawning realization hit the captain and she shifted her patch over to her left eye, revealing the fact that both eyes were perfectly fine. “<Er, yes… as I was sayin’, ye be realizin’ what this means, my little doubting Thomas.>”

Kiku nodded sadly.

“<I believe yer exact words were, ‘Sure, and I like to run naked while wearing a dog collar and bells.’ Would that be correct, matey?>”

Kiku nodded again. Suddenly, Maggie and Jessie, who had come in shortly after the captain, held out their hands. Maggie was holding out a human-sized, spiked dog collar and matching wrist and ankle bracelets. Jessie presented some neon colored puffballs that made a chiming noise.

Before Ranma’s startled eyes, Kiku stripped off her kimono and all of her other clothes before putting on the offered items. Ranma’s cheeks burned in embarrassment as Kiku stood before her fellow crewmembers. Ranma noted that Doc was again eyeing naked female flesh with a more than medical interest.

“<I be thinkin’ once around the deck and galley should be teachin’ ye faith in yer fellow sailors, arrrgh!>”

Ranma looked on in confusion as the crew cheered and offered comments to the first mate as she quickly ran out of the galley. Doc sighed happily as a contented smile worked its way onto her face. Ranma finally shook off her shock enough to blurt out, “What the hell was that?!”

The captain looked at Ranma as if noticing her for the first time. Her hands seemed to blur as suddenly the patch, parakeet, and several other of the more gaudy parts of her clothes vanished. Her demeanor switched as well, going from loud and obnoxious to shy and demure in the blink of an eye. “Uhm, hi. I am pleased to meet you. I am Roan, captain of the TPoC. How do you do?” She spoke in accented but correct Japanese.

Ranma eyed the woman. ‘Great. A loony. Just what I needed.’ “Ranma Saotome.”

Roan bowed and smiled nervously. “A pleasure to meet you. What can I do for you?”

“Uh, what was all that about?”

Roan’s nervous smile remained. “Oh, uhm, I… excuse me.” She bowed one more time before turning around and running back the way she came.

Ranma stared after her in confusion as she gave serious consideration to getting as far away from these people as possible.

“Don’t mind the captain,” a voice said from near her elbow. Ranma looked down and noticed a girl who looked about four years younger than him gazing up at him. “She’s extremely shy around strangers.”

“What was that pirate getup then?”

“That’s how she acts around friends. I think it’s funny. My name’s Rally.”

Ranma smiled down at the brown-haired, brown-eyed girl. “Ranma. What was that bit with Kiku?”

“Bakemono? You have to ask her. But I think it was funny.”

“Is the rest of the crew as crazy as this?” Ranma didn’t notice the furious look that Harumi gave her at that comment.

Rally appeared to think for a minute. “Some are funnier than others.”

“Great.”

“I think so.” Rally smiled brightly. “Are you going to be part of our crew too?”

“Uh, no.”

Rally’s smile drooped a little. “Oh. So you’re a passenger?” Ranma nodded. “I was hoping you were going to join our family.”

“Family?”

Rally nodded. “Most of the crew doesn’t have any other family any more, so we’ve all pretty much adopted each other. Sometimes we get new family and it makes me really happy.” Rally looked over at one of the crew, who was waving her over. “Gotta go. Bye!”

Ranma waved as the girl ran off. “Well, maybe this won’t be so bad.” Her mood rose considerably as Mousse finally appeared with a heaping tray of food.

Raijuu, Harumi, and Doc watched in shock as Ranma made half of the food on the tray disappear at an incredible rate. Mousse, having witnessed the Saotome eating style many times before, just smiled and ate at a far more sedate pace.

Harumi finally shook off her shock. “You pig! And to think I was going to thank you for saving me!” She stood up and stormed out of the galley.

“Yer welcome!” Ranma yelled out around a mouthful of food. ‘She was kinda cute…’ Ranma slapped herself suddenly, much to the surprise of those around her.

It was about an hour later when Kiku finally returned. Ranma had been chatting with Mousse, Doc, and Raijuu, as well as a few other members of the crew that stopped by. Kiku was back in her kimono in record time as she sat down across from Ranma. Ranma noted that her skin was still crimson with embarrassment.

“You do realize that I should be mad at you,” Kiku said with a half-hearted growl.

“Me? Whad I do?”

“You swam from China with a panda!”

“So?”

Kiku sighed as everyone else smirked. “We were flying in the area and Silent spotted you. I refused to believe that someone was actually that far out at sea and swimming with a panda, so I chose to ignore her. A word of advice is to never ignore Silent. You shall regret it every time. She tried to convince me that you were real, and I foolishly said, ‘Sure, and I like to run naked while wearing a dog collar and bells.’ As you noticed,” she glared half-heartedly at everyone, “the crew decided to take me up on that offer once we found out that Silent was correct.” She paused for a moment. “Though you would be justified, I sincerely hope that you are not mad at me.”

The redheaded martial artist tried to contain it, but she couldn’t. She began laughing uncontrollably, which went on for a few minutes. “Naw, I ain’t mad,” she said as she wiped a tear from her eye. “It was decent exercise. Besides, I know how silly we musta looked. Speakin’ a silly, what’s with the captain and that pirate bit?”

Kiku grinned. “We adore her and she is incredibly competent as a captain, but she is also terribly shy. Add to that the fact that she is female and you can see how she would not have many prospects for a job out in the world. A while after she came into possession of the TPoC, the crew and I found out about her secret.” Kiku leaned in close to Ranma. “She has a passion for old pirate stories and movies. She reads them like some people do the Koran or the Bible or the Kojiki. When we found out about that, we kidnapped her, dressed her up as a pirate, got her drunk, and made her act out her fantasies. She was so happy that she started doing so regularly, without the drinking part. However, as soon as someone who is not one of the crew is nearby, she returns to her terminally shy ways.”

“Ah, I get it. So, what woulda happened if you hadn’t gone through with your end of the bet?”

“Nothing, really… except that everyone would have been severely disappointed.”

“They all wanted to see you naked that badly?”

Kiku and the others within hearing range did a spit-take. “No!” She laughed some as she tried to regain her composure “No, it’s not that.” She glanced over at Doc, who was whistling innocently. “Well, maybe some of the crew… But mostly it’s because of rule three. I said it therefore I should mean it. Plain and simple.”

“So if I said I was the best martial artist in the world?”

Kiku smirked. “Then you had best be willing to back it up.”

Mousse rolled his eyes. “He can.”

Kiku frowned. “There you go again, calling Ranma a he.”

Before Ranma could say anything, Mousse just smirked. “Ranma acts so unladylike most of the time that she might as well be a he.”

Kiku smirked. “I did notice that, but I guess I have no real room to talk.”

Ranma let out a relieved breath. “Uhm, mind if I ask a question?”

“Go right ahead.”

“Why is everyone so friendly?”

“You’re not used to that, are you?” Kiku chuckled a little. “To be honest… most of us have gone through some pretty bad times. Because of that, we try to be as friendly as we can to people in similar situations.”

“Ah. Uhm…”

“You are curious why I am here.”

Ranma nodded. “If I’m not violating rule four.”

Kiku shook her head. “Only if you push after the person says ‘no’. And my friends,” she indicated everyone at the table, “have already heard the tale. I was basically the opposite of the captain. Because of my size I was ridiculed and feared at the same time for most of my life. Everyone who saw me assumed I was a stupid bully or a brute. I actually have an IQ that is rated just under genius and an education to match. Sadly, people don’t care about such things. They assumed that I had pressured some nerd into doing all of my homework and that I had cheated on my tests in order to get the grades that I did. After school, it only became worse. No one would hire an obvious brute like me for normal work, and I had no interest in being a bodyguard for pompous rich folk. There was no way I would become a leg-breaker and prove everyone right, so I settled for construction work for a while and occasionally dock work. It just wasn’t me. I detested it. I dreamed of travel and interesting people. My reality was hauling tons of refuse and telling bad jokes at the bars. Then one day I encountered some of the crew of the TPoC at a bar. The captain managed to do something that no one else had ever done before. She saw my intelligence and not my physique. She offered me a place on the ship. Even though the pay was less, the work was much better. And I have never regretted it since, not in almost ten years.”

Ranma smirked. “Even after today?”

Kiku smiled back. “All today did was to remind me that I should trust my crew and remind me of how much we mean to each other.”

Ranma nodded. “I’ve been hit by the ‘dumb jock’ title a few times myself…” Ranma glared at Mousse as he snickered. “‘Course, I ain’t no genius… except when it comes ta martial arts. I ain’t met nobody who I couldn’t beat yet. ‘Course, some people think I’m a bully ‘cuz of that, but I don’t start no fights. I just finish ‘em.”

Kiku nodded and sat in silence for a moment before looking directly into Ranma’s eyes. “Now, Ranma… rule two.”

Ranma nodded seriously. “I don’t know of any one that’s really out ta get me. I got a few rivals, but nothin’ really bad. Most of my enemies gave up in the past year, thanks to… something that happened. The only ones I ain’t real sure about are in China. I ain’t sure if Prince Herb of the Musk is holdin’ a grudge, and I ain’t sure ‘bout the Amazons, except Mousse here. They gave up on tryin’ ta get me into their tribe a year ago. Actually, they’re gonna be my first stop when I get ta China. I might wanna avoid Phoenix Mountain… they’re probably not real happy with me.”

Kiku nodded. “Why do I have the feeling that is an understatement?”

Ranma stared at her empty plate. “Somethin’ real bad happened there. I don’t wanna talk about it. But they didn’t chase after me, so there shouldn’t be nothin’ to worry about.”

Kiku nodded. ”Well, that seems fine then. I spoke with the captain and we would be glad to take you to China. I hope you don’t mind a few detours along the way.”

Ranma shook her head. “Really? Wow… thanks. I’d appreciate that. Is there anythin’ I can do to help?”

“You’ve already done a lot for us. In attacking that ship, we might have lost some of our crew. Your actions saved us a lot of pain, so payment has already been tendered.”

Ranma nodded her thanks. ‘Maybe my luck is changin’…’

Ending Note:

Only read the following paragraph if you are curious, angry, or whatever about the TPoC and it’s relation with the WPoS and FPoJ. And yes, I will be going into more detail on the ship and crew in the next chapter. And no, they will not be a central focus of the story in any way, though the will resurface on a few occasions.

For anyone who thinks I ripped off either the ‘Floating Piece of Junk’ from ‘A Very Scary Thought’ or the ‘Worthless Piece of Shit’ from ‘Shampoo ½’, then it all depends on what you call a rip off. I asked the authors for permission and received it. And if you have read either of the other stories (which, if you haven’t, is something you should do RIGHT NOW!!!) you would see that there is no real correlation between the crews of those vessels and mine, except for the fact that they are eccentric. To anyone wishing to debate this issue; feel free to email me at dancingimp@yahoo.com