Make Me Feel…

 

            Disclaimer:  I don’t own Ranma ½. Since whoever does own Ranma doesn’t sue Fubainc.com, though, I don’t think I’m in any trouble.

 

Chapter one:  Anger

 

            It had been ten years since I was separated from my mother by my jerk of a father. Nothing.  Since he engaged me to Ucchan, 9 years.  Nothing.  A month since the events of Jusenkyo, a fearful thing that would cause any normal person to scream until they could scream no more.  Nothing.  Nothing.  And nothing. 

 

            It should even be making me frustrated.  But I still can’t be.  I can’t feel anything.  Anything.  Oh, sure, I can touch something, register it is there with my senses.  But it has been 11 long years since he taught me the Neko-Ken.  And I have not felt a single emotion since that all-consuming fear.

 

            I killed them all.  All the cats, I mean.  I was so scared it burnt out any other emotion, and finally the fear itself was destroyed, leaving me in a pit of hungry cats, and covered in fish sausage.  Laugh if you will, but it is uncomfortable, and in the interest of self-preservation, because it seemed like the thing to do, I killed them all.  With the Neko-Ken, a powerful technique all right.  But the price was far too much.

 

            I almost killed my father, also, but then I realized I might need him, to feed me.  And also, once I thought about it, I knew I wasn’t really angry with him.  I couldn’t be, anymore.  I kept him around to train me in other attacks than the Neko-Ken.  It may have been powerful, but it was still limited, as it could get no better than it was.

 

            After I lost the ability to feel things, my mother didn’t enjoy having me around.  My father suggested a training trip, and I, not caring, agreed.  Foolish me.  Too bad I can’t feel sorry for myself.  I don’t even feel regret about not being able to feel sorry for myself.

 

            Putting a lot of thought into this isn’t very easy, or logical.

 

            I recently acquired another curse, at the springs of Jusenkyo.  Now I change into a girl when hit with the right temperature of water.  It would make me laugh.  Or cry.  Or scream.  If only I could.  I wonder at what it would be like.  Purely speculation, as I cannot long for anything any more than I can despise it.

 

            I don’t even care that he sprung yet another engagement on me yesterday.  I suppose I should resist, run away, scream, argue, or get mad.  I don’t know if I ever will.

 

            We walk to the place, and I examine the dojo through the biting rain, noticing, now that I think about it, that I am in pain.  Not that I care.  Even if I can’t feel anything, my nerves still tell me when I am being hurt by something.

 

            Tendo Dojo,” I say, blankly, “looks like this is the place.  Shall we?”

 

            <Let us go inside!> the panda held up a sign. 

 

            The Tendo house was bigger than my old house.  I heard talking from inside the kitchen.  “Engagement???” a female voice asked incredulously, “Why the heck are you engaging one of us to a complete stranger?”

 

            “Not a complete stranger, Nabiki,” a male voice answered quickly, “I know his father very well.”

 

            “Hello,” I said, “I’m Ranma Saotome.” For some reason I thought to say, ‘Sorry ‘Bout this,’ but I resisted the strange and stupid impulse to avoid making a bad impression.  There was no reason to say that.  I haven’t been sorry about anything in 11 years.

 

            “I am so happy to finally see you!” the man, who I assume is Soun Tendo, lurches over and hugs me, a bit tight.  “Wait a sec…”

 

            As soon as he realizes that I am a girl, he jumps back and begins to quiver.

 

            “Hmm… Father, did you engage one of us to another girl?”

 

            The middle one begins to poke my breast.  I am used to not being annoyed at actions like this.  It is still physically uncomfortable though.  “I think that he is definitely a she.”

 

            “Please stop that,” I begin, but I am cut off by Soun Tendo falling backwards in a faint. 

 

            After a few minutes of prodding and exclamations Tendo wakes up.  He begins to cry.

 

            The smallest one looks at me and says, “Hi! My name’s Akane.  Wanna be friends?”

 

            “Sure,” I respond, tonelessly “Whatever.”

 

            She scolds at this but quickly brightens up again.  “You know some martial arts right?  Why don’t we have a quick sparring match?”

 

            “Ok.”

 

            She shows me to the training hall.  We face each other, and she says, “Begin!”

 

            I begin with a small test, to see if she is to be taken seriously.  I use a defensive style and watch her strikes.  She is without any grace or speed and seems to have only strength above the norm for human beings.  I decide to bring her down slowly and make it seem close.  After all, what are friends for?

 

            I dodge everything she can put out, and pepper her arms and shoulders with light blows.  Each is carefully made to leave a light bruise and nothing more.  Don’t wanna kill someone by mistake, do I?

 

            As she sees me begins to win, she scowls, and throws a punch with speed and strength I didn’t know she had.  Nor do I care.  I jump over the punch and hit her in the back, knocking her to the ground.  Soft, so that it doesn’t hurt, but knocks her over anyway.

 

            “Wow, you are good,” she says, “At least you weren’t a boy.”

 

            “Why’s that?” I ask.

 

            “I would hate to be defeated by a boy.”

 

            I leave it at that.  She doesn’t want to talk about it, and I don’t really care.  Never have, and never expect to.

 

            We go back to the kitchen, and Kasumi suggests a bath.  I agree quickly, as I want to wash the cold of the rain of and switch back to normal, but Akane said she forgot something in the dojo.  Whatever.

 

            I think about my life as I fill the tub with hot water.  This existence.  Why do I keep trying to continue on?  Do I think someday I will be happy, despite the fact that I haven’t been happy, couldn’t be happy no matter what, for eleven years?  I don’t know.  I can always hope… that is I could if I was capable of hope.

 

            As I slide in the tub, feeling the change occur, I realize why.  Though my life has no point, my death would have less of a point.  Why kill myself?  Why let myself die?  Someday I might regret it.  Right now I can’t.

 

            As I am lost in thought, I hear a rustling sound by the door.  I stand up to see what it is, and Akane walks into the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel draped over her shoulder.  She is silent, looks at me for a moment, the leave quietly.

 

            Moments later I hear a shriek in her voice and running footsteps.  What a loony.    Warms my heart to see there are people even stranger than me in some ways.  Well, it warms it almost past absolute zero, where it stands now.

 

            I towel off and dress quickly, and then I go downstairs to the kitchen.  I am just in time to see Akane menacing Soun and my non-panda father with a giant rock thing.

 

            “There is a pervert in the bath!” she shrieks.

 

            “You don’t have all the facts,” I say, “One thing you should know is this:”

 

            They all turn to me, surprised to see me and not knowing who I am.  Akane is to startled to hit anyone with the rock.

 

            “I am Ranma Saotome.”

 

            “What?”  Almost all of them say at once.  After a bit of frenzied screaming and rock dropping, they settle down at the table once again and my father begins to explain.

 

            “Let me try again:  I am Genma Saotome, and this is my son,”

 

            “Ranma Saotome,” I finish.

 

            “Are you really that sweet girl from before?” Kasumi asks.

 

            “It is too hard to explain.  Let me demonstrate.  Ranma! Jump in the koi pond will you?”  Genma shows his stupidity and cowardice on one sentence.

 

            I look at him.  He shivers at my emotionless face.  I grab a cup of water and say, “This is a better and less dirty way,” before pouring it on my head.

 

            Gasp, Scream, Shudder.  All there.  Good to see we aren’t missing any stunned reactions to my second curse. 

 

            Akane react most out of the four of them.  “You tricked me, you pervert!”

 

            “I guess I tricked you, but how am I a pervert.?

 

            “You looked at me in the bath!”

 

            “Huh.  You know, you walked in on me.  You also took a pretty good look at me.  Also, I don’t think it matters if I see a girl’s body.  I’ve seen myself, after all.  And I am built better, too.” I add that last one just to piss her off.  She lied and it was her fault.  She deserved the insult.

 

            I don’t even see the table crash down upon my head, and bring darkness…

 

            When I wake up, my father and Soun are looking down at me.  “Are you all right Ranma?”  Soun asks, and when I nod, he continues, “Well! Your curse isn’t bad at all.  Choose one of my daughters.  She will be your new fiancé.”

 

            Before I can say anything, Kasumi and Nabiki shove Akane to the front.  “You want to choose Akane,” they both say.

 

            “What? Why do I have to be fiancé to the pervert?”

 

            “Well, you hate boys right?  You are in luck.  He’s half girl.”

 

            Again, before I can speak, Soun declares, “Very well. Akane is your fiancé.”

 

            “I don’t want a fiancé, especially not her.  She is crazy, and dangerous.”

 

            “Oh yeah! Well you are pervert and a freak!”

 

            “You are the pervert.”

 

            I overhear Genma comment to Soun that we already sound like a married couple.

 

            “That’s it.  I’m out of here.  Back to china to see if I can cure my second curse.  I am not listening to you anymore, old man.”  I make sure everyone hears.

 

            “Second curse?”

 

            “You don’t want to know.”

 

            Soun looks at Genma and he stutters a little before using his now-cold tea to change into a panda.  He then somehow locates a beach ball and begins to play with it, in his regular panda fashion.  I look at him, disgust on my face though not in my feelings.  Never in my feelings.  I don’t have them anymore.

 

            “So you are hiding another secret curse to trick us with, pervert!” Akane exclaims, “Hya!”  She pulls a hammer out of nowhere and hits me very hard on the head.

 

            I begin to clench and unclench my fists.  I start to entertain visions of maiming and killing Akane.  She has taken this too far.  She has…

 

            I stop myself, and begin to think.

 

            “You… “ I begin to say, very slowly, “I am… angry… at… you…”

 

            Off behind me, I hear the thud of a panda, fainting in surprise and disbelief.

 

 

 

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