“No Need For Saiya-Jin!”
Masaki Tenchi swept the shrine like his grandfather had told him to. He’d been doing this since as far back as he could remember. It was like his life centered around the shrine. Well, doesn’t it? He thought. It was here that all my troubles started. I was just an ordinary kid, until my bonehead trip into the shrine’s cave. Then in a matter of minutes I undid everything my father had worked for so many years back. He heaved a large sigh. Of course I can’t blame the shrine or anything else for my problems. I freed Ryoko from her prison. Ryoko’s freedom sparked a sensor on Ayeka’s ship that brought her and her sister Sasami here. After that, Ryo-Oki shows up after the first one crashed. Mihoshi, maybe all of them weren’t my fault. One lost Galaxy Police officer crashing in on my family’s favorite vacation spot. Oh man, we still haven’t got out there to finish all the repairs. Then there was that Kagato guy, I almost died because of that, but that’s when Washu came to live with us.
He heaved another sigh as he moved the leaves about. Six girls! Six girls living with me! Most guys would be happy about that. Maybe I would if they weren’t all super powered, always fighting and wrecking stuff. At least things have settled down since my great-grandparents, and Ayeka and Sasami’s mother left. We still haven’t really figured out who sent that octopus guy. What next? Do I finally get to live something that resembles a normal life? Yeah, right. Like I could live a normal life with two intergalactic princesses, two space pirates, a police detective, and a mad scientist bent on getting my DNA the old fashioned way. I guess I should decide which one I want. Not like I’m engaged to any of them. Well, I am kind of sort of engaged to Ayeka after she found out my grandfather was her lost stepbrother that she was supposed to marry. He passed her off to me, but luckily she hasn’t really been hanging that over my head. Of course she’s been too busy fighting Ryoko to do anything about it. Sheesh… <Author’s note: There’s the super condensed version of the Tenchi Muyo! OAV series where this story ties into.> At least there’s no new craziness now.
“Tenchi?” Came a soft feminine voice from the side.
Tenchi turned to see a girl he didn’t immediately recognize. She was almost as tall as he was, black hair done up in a ponytail high on the back of her head and black eyes. She was wearing a red silk Chinese dress that went all the way to the ground, but had slits that went almost all the way to her hips. The dress hugged her like a second skin to reveal a very trim, athletic body. She sauntered over to him with her hands clasped in front of her. She stopped about two feet away from him. “Hello again.”
Tenchi’s heart was pounding in full overdrive. She’s really beautiful, almost prettier than Sasami when she’s in her Tsunami guise! Wait a minute. Did she say again? “Uh, do I know you?”
Pan was slightly disappointed that he didn’t remember her. Of course, it was probably better that he forget their first meeting. After all, knocking someone out when you first meet them is not the best first impression you can make. “We met some time ago, but I never got a chance to tell you my name. I’m Son Pan.” She held out her hand.
Tenchi shook the proffered hand. “Masaki Tenchi, pleased to meet you.”
Pan blushed a little. “Thank you.” She was a nervous wreck. Here was the person she had asked the dragon for, and she was going nuts trying to figure out how to make him hers. She knew that he had five other women chasing him, but hey, she had wished for him. Good thing Shampoo offered to help me get ready for this, letting me borrow one of her dresses and helping me with my makeup.
Tenchi fidgeted a little where he stood. “So…What brings you to the shrine?”
“I was told to come here.” She gave him a smile.
Tenchi took an involuntary step backwards. “By who?”
Pan pondered her answer carefully. Might as well tell the truth. “By the eternal dragon.”
Tenchi looked puzzled. “What’s an eternal dragon?”
“He’s an ancient dragon that grants three wishes to anyone who asks.”
Tenchi’s eyebrow’s raised. Well, if demons, goddesses, and aliens are possible, then I guess that could be true. “So why did he send you to me?”
Pan walked over closed the distance between them. “I wished for a handsome boyfriend that will love me and is powerful enough to defeat me.”
“Heh, Heh.” Tenchi was sweating profusely. “Uh, there must be some mistake. I wouldn’t want to fight you. The dragon must have meant someone else.”
Pan put her hands on his shoulders. “The dragon doesn’t make mistakes.” She leaned toward him.
Tenchi was caught like a deer in headlights.
“Tenchi? Where are you Tenchi?” Ryoko came up the steps to see HER Tenchi in the arms of another woman. “HEY!!! LET GO OF TENCHI!!!” She took to the air and charged at Pan, only to be punched aside by another figure.
She skidded across the ground and came to a stop. She looked up and found herself staring at Saotome Ranma. “Didn’t expect to see you again.” He said.
Ryoko thought a second. “Nope, haven’t seen you before. I usually remember everyone that has tried to kill me.”
Ranma cracked his knuckles. “Maybe I should jog your memory.”
Tenchi untangled himself from Pan and ran over between the two. “Hey! Who do you two think you are? You both think you know us, but we don’t remember you! You guys can’t come up here to start a fight for no reason!”
Ranma pointed to Ryoko. “She endangered a lot of innocent people at the Martial Arts Beauty Contest. Is that reason enough for you?”
Pan came up behind Ranma. “Why did you do that, Ranma? I could have handled her.” She whispered.
Ranma chuckled. “From all the trouble that Shampoo went to, I didn’t want you to get your outfit messed up.”
Ryoko got a good look at the girl standing behind Ranma. “You! Let’s see how tough you are without your two flunkies!”
“Flunkies!” Ranma’s aura was starting to flare.
Ryoko held up two fingers. “Yeah, the redheaded bimbo and the girl in the children’s swimsuit.”
“IT’S A FUKU!!!” Came Akane’s voice from the forest.
Ryoko turned her head. “Hmmm…Same statement, different voice. She must have hit puberty or something.”
Akane stepped out of the trees, her aura starting to match Ranma’s.
Tenchi was starting to get really worried about the power buildup right here. “Hey! Ryoko! Everyone! Can’t we talk this out?!”
“Ryoko! I should have known you would be up here causing trouble.”
Everyone turned to see Princess Ayeka of Jurai standing at the top of the steps with her arms crossed.
Ryoko smirked. “Not my fault this time princess. Seems someone else is here for Tenchi.”
Ayeka put a hand to her cover her mouth. “Tenchi-Sama! Oh my! Which one?”
Ryoko pointed over to Pan. “That’s the one. The girl in the skin tight dress.”
Ayeka saw her and scowled. “What do you want with Tenchi-Sama?!”
Ranma looked between Ryoko and Ayeka and had a feeling of Déjà vu. Ranma walked up to Tenchi. “Both these girls after you?”
Tenchi nodded his head. “And now Pan is too.”
Ranma patted him on the back. “I feel for you man. I know exactly how that feels.”
Tenchi turned to him. “How would you know?”
“Three fiancées and a crazy woman.”
“Okay. So maybe you have SOME idea. But are any of them mad scientists or demons?”
Ranma thought a second. “One was a martial arts chef, another was an Amazon warrior, and the crazy woman drugged me all the time.”
“Close enough. Did you have to fight a universe class villain to save one of them?”
“I had to kill a God.”
Tenchi whistled. “Not bad.”
“Can you two stop bonding long enough to do something about this?!” Akane yelled.
They both looked up to seen Pan flying around, dodging energy blasts from Ryoko while simultaneously weaving around tiny logs. Pan would finally catch up with Ryoko, when the cyan haired girl would teleport out of reach.
“Ryoko! Ayeka! Stop that!” Tenchi yelled.
Ryoko appeared behind Tenchi. She hung on his shoulder and traced circles on his chest with her index finger. “But she’s the one who started this, Tenchi. I’m just totally innocent. I’m only trying to get rid of her because I love you sooo much.”
Ranma snorted. “Innocent, my foot.”
Tenchi turned his attention by to Ranma. “You must know Ryoko.”
Ryoko stuck her tongue out at Ranma. Pan swooped down at her.
“Hit the dirt!” Ranma shouted. He and Tenchi dove to the ground, and Ryoko teleported out again.
“Come back here, you coward!” Pan hissed.
“Wait! Stop this!!!” Tenchi yelled, but they still ignored him.
Ryoko stopped right in front of the temple. “I’m right here, little girl. Come get me.”
With a burst of speed, Pan appeared behind Ryoko and put her in an arm bar. “Let’s see how tough you are now.”
“I’m a lot more powerful than you think.” Ryoko phased out, passed out of Pan’s hands, and dropped through the dirt.
Several small logs appeared around the puzzled Pan and trapped her in an energy field. An arc went through the logs and into the Saiya-Jin. “AHHH!”
Ayeka walked over to her. “You won’t be able to get to Tenchi now. Oh-ho-ho-ho.”
Ranma and Akane cringed from the laugh. Tenchi noticed. “What’s wrong?”
“You remember the crazy woman I told you about?” Ranma asked.
“The one that always drugged you?”
“That’s the one. She laughs just like that. It’s her trademark. I’m surprised your princess can get away with that.”
“If Kodachi found out she’d probably sue her.”
“RANMA!” Akane shouted. “DO SOMETHING ABOUT PAN!!!”
“Okay! Okay!” He stepped out and raised his hand and released a small Ki blast. The ground behind Ayeka erupted in a cloud of dust. The blast was enough to disrupt Ayeka’s concentration.
Pan grabbed the Jurian princess by the front of her dress and hauled her off the ground. “That hurt you little bi…”
“Hey! I think that’s enough for today!” Ranma shouted.
Ryoko appeared behind Pan and grabbed her by her shoulders. She hauled her up and tossed her toward the temple stairs. Pan was so startled that she let go of Ayeka and went flying. Pan skidded across the ground and rolled to her feet. “You ruined the dress!!! And it wasn’t even mine!!!” She put her hands together. “KA-ME-HA-ME…”
“What’s going on here?” Came a voice over Pan’s shoulder.
“Wha?” Pan turned and quickly lost control of the Ki ball in her hands.
Katsuhito leaned to the side, and the ball passed by and impacted in the forest with a large explosion. He came back up to upright. “I see our little survey girl has come to visit us.”
Pan blushed in embarrassment. “Uh, something like that.”
“I see you’ve met some of Tenchi’s friends.”
“Uh, we were just getting to know each other.” She laughed nervously.
“I think it’s time we went down for some dinner. Sasami’s been preparing a special dinner.” He looked toward Ranma and Akane. “You’re all invited of course.”
“That’d be great! I’ve almost died from Akane’s cooking…OOF!”
Ranma doubled over as an irritated Akane withdrew her elbow. She quickly changed her expression to a smile. “Thank you, sir. We would love to join you.”
“Very well. Welcome to the Masaki Shrine. I am Masaki Katsuhito, the caretaker of this shrine.”
Akane bowed at the hips, Ranma was already in that position. “I’m Tendo Akane, and this is Saotome Ranma.”
“Pleased to meet you. Now, let’s go down and eat.”
“But, But, But…” Ayeka stammered. “She’s trying to steal Tenchi!!!”
Katsuhito gave her one of his knowing smiles. “There’s plenty of time to worry about that. Let’s all get something to eat.”
Ranma actually paused a moment in his eating frenzy take in the crowd around the table. First there was Washu, the mad scientist, or as she liked to describe herself; The greatest scientific genius in the entire universe! Ranma remembered her as the little girl from the martial arts beauty contest that claimed to be Ryoko’s mother. Next was the well-tanned, bright blonde haired, but completely clueless, Mihoshi. Of course there was Ryoko and Ayeka. There was also Ayeka’s sister, the blue-haired princess Sasami. She was the one who had prepared the meal. Ranma eyed the creature rested on her head warily. Ryo-Oki had already meowed a couple of times. Ranma kept having to chant, It’s not a cat, over and over again in his head. Then there was Tenchi and his father, Nobuyuki. Nobuyuki struck Ranma as another dirty old man. He’d already caught the older man eyeing Pan a couple times. Finally, there was Katsuhito at the head of the table. He was a very sedate fellow with an air of mystery so thick around him it was almost perceptible from the human eye. Ranma had noticed that he acted like a perverted old man, but something was off, and Ranma couldn’t put his finger on it. I’ll have to keep an eye on him. Ranma began to dig into the meal again.
Akane shot him a glare. “Slow down, Ranma! You’re embarrassing us.”
Sasami smiled as she fed some more food to the cabbit resting on her head. “That’s all right. I’m just glad he enjoys my cooking.”
Ranma took a moment to nod, and then went back to digging in.
Pan was just picking at her food. What do I do now? I’ve probably already messed up my chance with Tenchi, Shampoo’s dress is a mess, and now I’m still no closer to having a boyfriend. But I wished for a boyfriend! The dragon always delivers! Tenchi has to be mine! I’ll have to do something about these other two girls though…
Ayeka and Ryoko were eyeing the Saiya-Jin with more than a little malevolence. Here was another girl trying to take the boy that they’ve been fighting over since Ayeka had arrived from space. Something had to be done about her immediately. Well, maybe nothing needed to be done. After all, she’ll probably be gone by morning.
Katsuhito looked over at Ranma. “So, Ranma, you study martial arts.” It was a statement, not a question.
Ranma stopped shoveling and, with a warning glare from Akane, swallowed the bite that was in his mouth. “Yeah. Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts.”
“Hmm. Interesting. So you’re a student of Happosai?”
Ranma narrowed his eyes at the old man. “Not by choice. My pops was his student and he raised me in the art. I’d like to think I’ve moved a little above that though. How do you know Happosai?”
The caretaker of the shrine smiled. “I met him long ago. He was a great martial artist. Too bad he had that underwear fixation though. So how is the old man?”
“I dunno, I haven’t seen the pervert since Pan launched him into orbit at my wedding attempt.”
“You’re married? How nice!” Mihoshi beamed.
Ranma shot her an annoyed glance, which completely bounced off the bubble headed blonde. “No, it was broken up by my other fiancés and a pack of rhinos.”
The house residents’ eyes went wide. Nobuyuki laughed. “Sounds like you’ve had a pretty interesting life, kind of like Tenchi. Isn’t that right son?” He slapped his son on the back.
Tenchi choked on the bite he had in his mouth. He beat his chest a couple of time and managed to swallow the bit of food.
Ranma snickered a bit. “You wouldn’t believe everything that’s happened to me.”
Nobuyuki looked at the pigtailed martial artist. “Like what?”
Mihoshi went to grab the pitcher of water to fill her glass. When she went to set it back down, she set it on its side. The pitcher fell and splashed Ranma, triggering his transformation.
Ranma didn’t even flinch when he changed into a redheaded girl. “Like a Jusenkyo curse.” Everyone, except for Pan’s, Akane’s, and Katsuhito’s jaw hit the table.
Washu was on top of Ranma-Chan in an instant. Ranma-Chan felt herself being thrown back into a chair that wasn’t there previously. Straps came out of the chair and pinned her arms and legs. Washu slapped a helmet with several wires on it over Ranma-Chan’s head. Washu sat down on what appeared to be a seat made of pure light and started typing away on a computer made of the same material. “Hmmm!!! Very interesting! So can you change back?”
Ranma-Chan strained against the restraints. “Hot water!”
Washu raised an eyebrow. “Really?” She reached out and a hole appeared out of nowhere. She pulled out a kettle and poured the contents over Ranma’s head, changing him back into a male. Washu watched the transformation and then typed away on her computer. “Liquid triggered quantum molecular rearrangement. There’s even a clear violation of the laws of conservation of mass. Very interesting! This looks like a challenge! It will be no match for Washu, the greatest scientific genius in the entire universe!”
Ranma looked up from the chair. “It’s a curse! It’s magic!”
Washu held up a finger. “There’s always a scientific reason, and I’m going to find it!”
Tenchi shook his head. “You might as well get comfortable, Ranma. Washu won’t give up until she figures it out.” Ranma groaned.
Akane rolled her eyes. Everything always happens to Ranma… She took another bite of her dinner while everyone else was still in shock over Ranma’s curse. She turned to Sasami. “This food is really good! Can I get the recipe?”
The little girl smiled. “Sure.”
“Don’t bother! She won’t follow it!” Ranma yelled from the chair.
Akane tossed a mallet over her shoulder and knocked Ranma out cold. “Baka!”
Washu glanced at Akane. “Sub-space pocket…I’ll have to examine her next…” She mumbled under her breath.
Sasami double-blinked. “What was that about?”
Akane sighed. “I have some small problems with my cooking.”
Pan stopped in mid-bite. “‘Small’? What about the stuff we had to call the hazmat team to take away?”
Akane bristled in her seat, but couldn’t bring herself to strike the half Saiya-Jin. “Okay, so maybe I can’t cook at all! Are you satisfied?”
Pan shrugged. “It’s only the truth. You’re a wild woman in the kitchen.”
Sasami put a hand on Akane’s arm before she could grab another mallet. “How about if I teach you how to cook.”
Pan eyed the girl warily. “You’d have to do pretty well. The best in Japan have already tried to teach her at the princess academy.”
Akane scowled. “Would you shut up about that!”
“You blew up the entire kitchen!”
“Part of that was Usagi, you know!”
“Yeah, exactly half.”
“Don’t worry, Akane.” Sasami’s voice strangely calmed the youngest Tendo. “I can help you. I’ve been learning from the best all over the universe. I’m sure I could help you.” Tsunami could help as well.
Akane put her other hand over Sasami’s. “Really! But it would take some time. I don’t know how long we’re going to be staying.”
Katsuhito laughed. “Stay as long as you like. I wouldn’t mind another beautiful woman around the house.”
Washu stopped typing momentarily. “I wouldn’t mind having Ranma around to examine a while. It’ll probably take me at least a week to figure this out.”
Katsuhito nodded his head. “Then it’s decided. You can stay here for a while. Akane can sleep in the girl’s room and Ranma can sleep in Tenchi’s.”
Pan gave the old man an irritated look. “What about me? I still haven’t got what I came for!”
Katsuhito laughed. “What you’re here for might take a while. I told you the situation already.”
“Well, you can’t just send me out and keep my friends here!”
Katsuhito laughed again. “Don’t worry. You can sleep in the girl’s room as well. Just one rule: No fighting when everyone’s trying to go to bed. I hate missing out on my beauty sleep.”
“You’ll have to sleep for a million years.” Pan mumbled under her breath.
Katsuhito’s eyebrow went up. “Excuse me?”
Nobuyuki stood up from the table. “It was very nice to meet you all, and thank you Sasami for another great meal. I need to be heading back to Tokyo now.”
Tenchi waved. “Bye dad! Have a safe trip!”
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do Tenchi.” He winked at his son.
“I won’t!” Tenchi flushed a second.
Nobuyuki walked out the door and Katsuhito stood. “I think we need to get some things ready for our guests. Tenchi, go fetch the spare futons.”
“I’ll help him!” Ryoko volunteered.
“No, I’ll help him!” Ayeka countered.
“NO! I’LL help him!”
The pirate and princess turned to an irritated Pan. Ayeka smiled. “But you are a guest. You shouldn’t bother yourself with such matters.”
The situation broke down from there, leaving everyone else with a large sweat drop on their heads.
Later that night, Tenchi was lying in his bed and Ranma was in one of the futons on the floor. Tenchi was a little restless, so he decided he wanted to talk. “Ranma, you awake?”
“Yeah.” Ranma answered back.
“Did you really have three fiancés?”
“I actually had more than that. Over a series of challenges and contests, Akane and I managed to take it down to only three.”
“Wow! What was that about beating a God?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Would you tell me?”
“Only if you tell me about this universe class villain.”
The two young men chatted for several hours, sharing stories and comparing notes. They quickly found that they had a lot in common, and that they were quickly becoming good friends.