Rae was sweeping the steps of the Hikawa shrine. She looked up as she felt someone pass by. There goes that old pervert again. Yamucha was walking by on his way to the new dojo. He waved at her. She used all the restraint in the world to keep from giving him the finger. She’s already had to swear out a restraining order against the old perv. I wish he would just move on to someone else. She shivered in terror as he smiled at her. Just don’t make eye contact… Yamucha walked past the gates to the shrine and passed out of sight. Rae let out a breath and relaxed. I think five hundred feet is TOO close.
Makoto came into the gates and looked in the direction that Yamucha had walked. “What’s Goten’s partner doing here?”
Rae blinked at her. “You know that old pervert?”
Makoto stepped over and sat down on the porch of the shrine. “Yeah. You know Goten, the one that I’ve been learning martial arts from?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s his business partner, Yamucha.”
“Oh really. How can you stay anywhere near that pervert?”
“He’s not THAT bad. Plus, he never there anymore since he opened the new dojo.”
“Is that what he calls that thing?” Rae pointed over to a gaudy looking building.
Makoto looked it over. “So this is where it is.”
Rae finished sweeping the grounds and sat down beside Makoto. “Not that I’m complaining, but what brings you by?”
“It actually has something to do with my martial arts classes.”
Rae looked at her. “So what’s up?”
“You remember Ranma from the other day?”
“Yeah, Ranko/Ranma.”
“Yes.”
“What about her?”
“HE’s majorly cute!”
“I could tell. He left a good impression when he went through the roof of the Ramen Shop.”
“Well, anyway, I’ve been trying to spend some time with him, but I can’t get him separated from his fiancée long enough to talk to him.”
“He’s got a fiancée? Doesn’t that count him as taken?”
“Usually, but this is a special case.”
“How so?”
“She’s really angry and abusive. She’s the one that made Ranma punch through the roof of the Ramen Shop. She’s does that sort of stuff all the time. Sometimes she pulls this huge mallet out of nowhere and hits him over the head.”
Rae’s eyes went wide. “Is he all right?”
“Amazingly enough, he always gets back up. Even if he gets punched into the concrete.”
Rae started considering something. “Really. And he’s cute you say?”
“HE’S MINE!!! I SAW HIM FIRST!!!”
Rae waved her hands at Makoto, trying to calm the taller brunette down. “I was just kidding. I would never do anything like that!” At least not in front of you.
“Besides, what about Yuuichiro? Aren’t you a pair?”
Rae looked over to the other side of the shrine where her grandpa was busy beating the poor scraggly looking brown haired boy to death in the name of ‘training’. “No, not really.”
“But he’s rich! And well, at least a little cute.”
“Maybe if he got a haircut, more muscle tone, some deodorant…Anyway, we were talking about your problem. So if Ranma and his fiancée fight all the time, why don’t they just break up?”
“If I remember the details that I got from Usagi, they’re in an arranged marriage. They can’t break up.”
“Why are you asking Usagi?”
“Usagi made
friends with his fiancée.”
Anger started to filter into Rae’s eyes. “She hasn’t hit Usagi, has she?”
Makoto started from the look that Rae was giving her. “No. In fact when she’s not around Ranma, she’s pretty nice. That’s why I’m trying to break them up, so both of them can be happy.”
Rae cocked an eyebrow. “That makes sense…not.”
Makoto waved her hand dismissively. “Ranma deserves a woman that will appreciate him, not yell at him all the time.”
“Annnd you think you’re the right one for the job.”
Makoto turned to the raven haired Senshi. “Why not?”
“Maybe I’m the right one.” She smiled a big cheshire grin.
Makoto bolted up and pointed a finger in Rae’s face. “I ALREADY TOLD YOU…”
Rae smiled at her. “Just kidding.” Not. “I’m just teasing you.”
Makoto was satisfied with that and sat back down. “Okay. I just wanted to come over here and see if you had any ideas about what I could do.”
“Well he already knows our secrets. You might try going after him in costume. You know it makes all of us look a LOT better. The glamour spell that goes with the transformation might work to your advantage.”
“I guess, but it’s not really a proper use of our powers.”
Rae shook
her head. “You’ve been spending time
with Luna, haven’t you?”
“Some. I talked to her first before I came here.”
“What did she say about it?”
“She said it would never work out because he hates cats.”
Rae rolled her eyes. “Typical Luna.” She thought for a little bit. “Is there anytime he’s not around Akane?”
“Not really. Maybe when he goes grocery shopping. That’s another thing: Akane can’t cook. Her stuff is really bad.”
“How bad is it?”
Makoto held up two fingers. “Two words: Toxic Waste. I’ve seen some of what she cooks up, it isn’t pretty. It’s way worse than Usagi’s.”
Rae winced. “That’s bad. How about we just wait until the next time he goes shopping and catch him then.”
“Okay.”
“When does he usually go shopping?”
“I don’t know.”
Rae sweatdropped. “Okay…New plan…”
About that time a certain pigtailed martial artist walked by beside Yamucha. They were headed into town.
Makoto double-blinked. “Talk about coincidences.”
“Yeah, it’s like our lives are scripted or something.” Rae said sarcastically.
“Yeah, like some of your bad manga.”
Rae glared at the brunette. “I’ll have you know those manga are good!”
Makoto shrugged. “Whatever. We’d better go if we’re going to catch them.”
Rae looked at the pair walking away. “But he’s with YAMUCHA!”
“Then we’ll follow from a distance.”
“Yeah, about five hundred feet.” Rae looked at Makoto again. “Why are you so hung up on him anyway?”
“He reminds me of my old boyfriend.” <Author’s note: You knew that was coming, didn’t you?>
Ranma and Yamucha were walking down the street towards the hardware store. Yamucha was checking through his wallet. “I should have enough to fix the holes in the walls.”
Ranma shrugged. “Hey, you were the one who wanted to spar. I’m not going to take the rap for this.”
Yamucha chuckled. “Well, it was educational. I really didn't believe
Pan when she told me that you were that good. Even without using Ki techniques.”
Ranma smiled his cocky grin. “That’s you guys’ problem. You all rely on your power blasts too much. You’re nowhere near as skilled as I am. You all just use stone fist tactics, no finesse. All speed and power, no strategy or body mechanics.”
Yamucha considered something. “Well, how would you like to go into business with Goten and me? We could use a man with your skills. You could even show us a few things.”
Ranma shook his head. “Sorry. I already got a previous ‘engagement’ with the Tendo Dojo.”
“Oh yes, the whole arranged marriage thing. How’s that working out by the way?”
Ranma looked up to the eye with a thoughtful look on his face. “A lot better than it was. We’re actually getting along half the time.”
“And the other half?”
“She still mallets me, and I still haven’t figured out where the hell she pulls that thing out of.”
“Don’t look at me.” Yamucha stopped in front of the hardware store. “The Kamesennin training should be helping you as far as taking the hits though.”
Ranma rolled his eyes. “Well they WERE, until Akane figured out how to master her Ki. Now she’s starting to increase her strength. Pretty soon we’ll be back to the same relative strengths as before…and I’ll be pummeled more.” He sighed.
Yamucha patted him on the back. “Don’t take it so bad. Some guys pay for a woman to beat on them.”
Ranma narrowed his glare at Yamucha. “I’m not a pervert like you.”
Yamucha gave him a grin. “Hey, I said SOME guys, not me.”
Ranma raised an eyebrow at him. “Riiight.” Ranma’s danger sense flared and he dodged to the side. A throwing knife embedded itself into the pavement to the hilt. Ranma scanned around and saw a figure hopping away on the rooftops. Sasuke? He thought. He turned to Yamucha. “I’ll be right back. I need to deal with and old acquaintance.”
Yamucha watched the cloaked figure vanish from sight. “Sure. Just meet me at the dojo when you’re done.”
Ranma nodded and leapt the roof across the street and pursued the figure.
From the shadows behind them, Rae and Makoto nodded together and transformed into their Sailor gear and followed Ranma.
Ranma caught up with it. “Hey! Get back here, Sasuke! Come back here you little weasel!” I can’t have Kuno knowing where me and Akane are.
The figure turned and launched a barrage of shurikens at Ranma. “Ban-ban!”
While dodging the flurry of throwing stars, Ranma made an observation. Okay, it’s too tall to be Sasuke, and it’s a chick. Who did I tick off this time? Maybe it’s one of those chick ninja’s after me about the whole Konatsu fiasco. He shot forward and tried to grab the ninja. She faded out at the last instant before Ranma could touch her. Definitely not good. He reached out with his senses and tried to find where the ninja girl went. Instead he found two presences behind him. He turned to see Sailor Mars and Jupiter. “Uh, hey girls.”
Jupiter jumped beside him. “Are you all right? I was worried that youma had hurt you.”
Ranma scratched the back of his head. “I’m fine.”
“Thank goodness!!!” She flung her arms around Ranma.
“Gaaahh!!” Ranma yelped as she bear hugged him. A flash of light came from the side. Ranma threw himself and Jupiter aside to avoid an energy blast. Nothing came but another flash. He looked over and saw a girl in bell-bottoms taking pictures. “Hey! Stop that!”
The girl smiled at him. “Can’t do that! Have to get this to my editor! A love interest of the Sailor Senshi!” She turned and started to run. She ducked into a stairwell.
Ranma unwrapped Jupiter from himself and charged after her. He opened up the roof access and the girl was gone. Damn, that’s fast.
A few floors below, the reporter was kneeling in front of Kunzite. “Ramadan is there, my lord. What are your orders?”
Kunzite looked down at his servant. “Youma Oniwa-Bandanna, you must subdue him so that we can take him back to our queen. The final battle is quickly approaching and we must have him at our side.”
“As you wish my lord. I must turn in these pictures first though, I still must maintain a semblance of my previous life.”
Kunzite nodded. “Very well. Just summon me when he has been taken care of.”
“Yes, my lord.”
Kunzite faded from the room.
Up above Ranma was again trying to pry Jupiter from his chest. “Okay, Makoto! That’s enough!”
She was crying into his chest. “But you have to break up with Akane! Can’t you see she doesn’t really want you? Why else would she hit you all the time?”
Ranma thought for a second. “Habit?”
Makoto stopped in mid-tear and looked at him. “Habit?”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much how we related to each other since, well, since we met.”
Makoto hugged him tighter (causing him to grunt from discomfort). “That’s the problem! You don’t need to be in an abusive relationship!”
Ranma looked at her in surprise. “You don’t?”
Rae stopped in mid-laughter (she had been laughing at Makoto the whole time). “Wait a minute! You sound like it’s normal for you.”
Ranma managed to pry Jupiter off himself. “Hey, when you have a father that throws you into a pit of starving cats with fish tied around you, your mother always threatens you with a katana, your fiancée wields a mean mallet, and the closet thing to a friend you have always tries to kill you; it kinda becomes the norm.”
Makoto flung herself around him again (yet another grunt). “You poor, poor man! You’ve suffered so much!”
Ranma’s face was turning purple. “Can’t…Breath!” Makoto looked up and realized what was going on and let loose. Ranma took a deep breath. “The life of a true martial artist is frought with peril.”
Rae looked at him. “There’s an ancient Chinese curse that goes with that saying.”
Ranma looked at her in surprise. “Really? What?”
“May you live in interesting times.”
Ranma smacked his forehead. “Damn! That IS another curse I have!”
Rae shook her head. “We still have bigger fish to fry though.”
Makoto looked over at her. “How so?”
“We need to find that youma.”
At that moment the same youma was turning in a roll of film to the editor of the Weekly Dokkiri, a tabloid magazine of Tokyo. At the time she is in her guise as Asahina Nana, the eager young photographer. She handed the roll over to a tall blonde woman who examined the roll intently. “So you say this has pictures of a Sailor Senshi and her true love.”
“Yes! They’re really great!” She nodded eagerly.
The editor smirked at the bubbly photographer. “Even without developing?”
Nana nodded. “You bet! And I’m going to capture her love tonight…on film that is.” She thought to add.
The editor gave her an evil smile. Not like I can’t tell you’re a youma. I know all about your plans for the boy. You just need a little more power to get the job done. She reached out and put a hand on the girl’s shoulder. A brief flash of light passed to the younger woman. “Then go forth with my blessing, and don’t stop until your mission is complete or you’re dead.”
The girl bowed graciously. “I will! I will capture him!” The girl turned and left the office.
The editor sat down on her desk and looked at the roll. It’s the Saotome boy. Might as well have some more fun. She buzzed the secretary.
“Yes.” The secretary came through the door.
The editor tossed the roll at the secretary. “Give this to one of our best story tellers. Have them put a good spin on it.”
“Yes, ma’am.” The secretary left.
The
features on the editor began to shift.
Her limbs shortened and her skin became paler. Her feet transformed from five toes to two with a third in the
heel of her foot. A tail sprouted and
laid itself across her desk. Her hair
disappeared to show a smiling Shiver. This
could be a lot of fun.
Later that night, the girls and Ranma were still searching for the youma. Ranma turned to Sailor Mars. “You feel anything yet?”
Rae grinned at him. I’d love to feel something… “No evil yet.”
Ranma started to twitch at the looks that the Senshi of Fire was giving him. “Okay, just…uh…tell me if something comes up.”
“Oh you’ll be the first to know.” She smiled a seductive grin.
Makoto slapped her across the back of her head. “That’s enough Rae! He’s mine!”
Rae rubbed her head and glared at the Senshi of Thunder. “Hey, that hurt!”
“It was meant to!”
Ranma pushed himself between the two. “Hey!!! I’m neither of yours! Let’s just get this youma so I can go home!”
Both the girls stared at him. Not yet. They both thought.
Rae sighed. “Okay. Let’s get it over with then.”
Several flashes of light came from the right. Ranma rolled away and came up in a defensive stance. “Come out, now!”
The photographer came out. “I’m from the Weekly Dokkiri. Is it true, sir, that you are having an affair with Sailor Jupiter?”
Ranma put up his hands in warding gestures. “No. No! NO!”
The photographer pulled out a pad and scribbled on it. “In denial, check.”
Ranma balled up his fists again. “Hey! She’s not my love! I love Akane!!!”
A few more scribbles. “Ooo. A love triangle. This just keeps on getting better.”
Ranma gave his forehead a high-five. “This is getting ridiculous. First my life is a comedy, and now it’s a soap opera.”
“Just one more question. Would you ever work for the Dark Kingdom again?”
Ranma’s head snapped up. The photographer had his full attention. “What does that mean?”
Rae finally identified what the reporter was. “It’s a youma! Fire Soul!” Her fire attack lanced out at the photographer.
The photographer jumped up with impossible speed and transformed into the dark ninja. “I am Oniwa-Bandanna! Ban-ban!” She threw a bunch of smoke bombs down.
The area was filled with a dense cloud of smoke. The youma made it’s way through the smoke, taking shots at all the participants. Ranma fended her off well, but still took some hits from his blind side. Finally he stopped and concentrated. He found Mars and Jupiter, and then he unleashed a barrage of Ki blasts in all directions, taking care to miss the senshi.
The youma dodged the hail of fire and weaved her way outside the cloud. The smoke cleared and Ranma saw that the Senshi were barely standing. They had to lean on each other for support. He turned to the youma. “Okay, that’s enough!” He charged in.
The Oniwa-Bandanna split into two and Ranma passed between them. They then started beating on his from both side. Ranma was finding it difficult to keep up with the youma. He flew straight up to disengage. The two ninja twins reformed into one. Ranma charged in again, and the same thing happened. He had to retreat again.
After a while Ranma was starting to get tired. The girls were doing a little better, thanks to their powers, but they didn’t risk firing, or they’d hit Ranma. Ranma started firing Ki blasts again. The youma easily avoided them. “You’re too slow. You cannot hope to defeat me.”
“Oh yeah, then how about this! Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!!!” He rained down a shower of punches using the deadly Amazon technique.
The youma dodged the punches. “You cannot defeat me physically. Just give up and rejoin us, Ramadan!”
“Never!” He jumped back and prepared another strike. “Moko Takabisha!”
Again the youma dodged. She stuck her thumbs by her ears and flapped her open hands in the classic, ‘Nyah, Nyah, you can’t catch me!’ pose. She also gave him a raspberry for good measure.
Ranma was starting to get really peeved at this youma. It’d had been a while since someone had actually challenged him with skill and speed. Just then he felt another Ki blast coming from the side, but it wasn’t headed toward him.
The youma saw the blast and shot straight up to avoid it. The blast stopped directly below the youma, and then shot up and struck her. She flew back into a wall. “What the?”
Ranma looked for the source of the blast. Yamucha was standing there in an orange gi with a turtle kanji on the shirt over his heart. “Hey, Ranma. I was getting worried when you didn’t show up at the dojo. Of course if I was with a pair like these girls, I wouldn’t have come back either.”
“Pervert.” Mars hissed.
“But we’ve got no time for this.” He crouched down and a ball of white light formed in his hand. “Souki Dan!” The blast shot out toward the youma. It tried to dodge out of the way. With a flick of his fingertips, Yamucha manipulated the ball of light around until it finally struck the youma, knocking it to the ground.
Ranma cracked his knuckles. “I usually don’t like beating on girls, but I’ll make an exception this time.” He walked over and started beating her senseless.
“Stand back, Ranma!” He heard over his shoulder. He jumped away from the youma.
“Moon Healing Escalation!” Sailor Moon had arrived to save the day, or the youma’s possessed human anyway. The healing rays struck the ninja and it reverted back to Asahina Nana, the photographer.
Nana shook her head. “Where am I?” She looked around and saw that the area was clear.
On the roof above, the senshi, Ranma and Yamucha were watching the girl. Yamucha turned to Ranma and grinned. “And you said I had no skill.”
Ranma shook his head. “So maybe I was wrong. That’s a pretty nifty trick with the Ki ball.”
“I’ll show it to you sometime.”
Ranma’s eyes widened. “Really?”
Yamucha grinned again. “Yeah, when you agree to work for me.”
Ranma rolled his eyes.
“We still need to talk, Ranma.” Sailor Jupiter stepped forward.
Ranma spun around on her. “No! I’m engaged to Akane and that’s final!” Don’t girls know what no means?
Makoto sniffled a bit and then ran off crying.
Ranma smacked his well beaten brow. I really need to stop hurting girls like that.
Yamucha put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m proud of you. I would have tried to take them both.”
Ranma glanced at him. “Pervert.”
“And proud.”
Sailor Mars grabbed Moon’s arm. “Time to go Sailor Moon.” Yes, five hundred feet is TOO close.
Yamucha smiled at the departing pair. “They’re all pretty spunky, aren’t they?”
Ranma shook his head. “You have NO idea.”
The next morning Akane was reading her favorite paper when a pictorial article struck a chord. “RANMA!!!”