Ranma was not having a good week. His total was already up to one wife by Amazon law, one fiancé by family agreement, one girl that looked at him like a piece of meat, and finally the girl he liked…and it was only Tuesday.
At this moment he was walking to school. That’s right, WALKING! He wasn’t leaping from rooftop to rooftop, or running at top speeds. He wasn’t even skipping, for goodness sake! He was walking in deference to his latest roomie. He turned to see Tendo Nabiki walking beside him at a measured pace. She was on his left while Videl walked on his right, holding his hand possessively.
Ranma was wearing a new set of clothes Videl had bought him the day after Ryoga had attacked last. His Chinese style shirt looked like his old shirts, but weighed around fifty pounds. His bracers weighed around twenty-five pounds apiece. They were almost solid high-carbon steel. The pigtailed martial artist had contemplating trying to use them to block bullets. His footwear was new as well. They were high-topped thin shoes that looked vaguely like wrestling shoes, but weighed another twenty pounds per foot. In fact this was the same outfit he was wearing when he rescued Nabiki.
Speaking of the middle Tendo daughter, she had forgone her usual school uniform for a white blouse and jeans combo. “When in Rome, do as the Romans.” She had said. She didn’t like those dresses anyway.
Videl, on the other hand, was wearing a weighted outfit like Ranma. She still had on an orange oversized t-shirt, but she also had on a vest that weighed forty pounds along with wristbands that weighed fifteen pounds apiece. She had on shoes that matched Ranma’s. She had elected for less weight, because Ranma had become stronger a lot faster than she had. It was amazing how fast he had taken to moving around in the weighted clothing. He would need heavier clothes fairly soon.
She looked passed Ranma and glared at the other girl. “Can’t you walk any faster? We’re going to be late for school!”
Nabiki didn’t bat an eyelash. “Well, we’d be there already if you’d just pop out your helicopter.”
“Well, It only seats two, and if we took that it would be Ranma and ME!” She went from holding his hand to hanging on his arm. “Plus, it couldn’t carry us with our weighted clothing.”
“Ranma would never let his RIGHTFUL fiancé walk alone. Anything could happen to a poor defenseless girl like me.” She gave her best helpless puppy look and took Ranma’s other arm.
Ranma rolled his eyes and looked up to the heavens. Kami, what did I ever do to deserve this? “Listen girls! Can’t we hold off on the fighting? I’d like to get to school.” And get some sleep. He added in his mind.
Nabiki considered him for a moment. Could he actually have a brain for school in that martial arts head? She leaned a little closer. “So have you thought about where you want to go to college?”
“Uh, not really.” Ranma would have scratched the back of his head, if his arms weren’t incapacitated. “I really haven’t seriously thought much about what I want to do after high school. Have you, Videl?”
Get married to you, have kids, grow old together… “No, not really.” She smiled innocently.
An unexplainable chill went down Ranma’s back, but he dismissed it as paranoia. “Anyways, I thought about starting a dojo and teach my art. Pops said that was what he wanted me to do when I grew up, but I don’t know if I want to do anything that stupid panda would ever suggest.”
“Don’t blame you there.” Nabiki said aside.
Videl gave him a questioning glance. “Panda? Why did you call him that?”
“You know how I change into a girl?”
“Yeah?”
“He turns into a panda.”
Videl thought for a second. “Does he have a tendency to talk with signs when he’s a panda?”
“Yeah, why?” Ranma’s brow furrowed as he looks as his girlfriend.
“I think I’ve already met your pops. You’re right, I wouldn’t trust him either. He was using his panda form to beg for handouts at the park.”
“Yup, that’s pops. So you’ve met my father, I hope my mother is better.” He looked to the sky wistfully.
Nabiki gave him a serious glance. “Don’t you know who your mom is?”
“He left when he was young and he can’t remember his mother.” Videl said sadly.
“How sad.” Wheels began turning in Nabiki’s mind. She suddenly knew how to get Ranma to owe her. Now all she had to do was find the woman.
“Hey guys! Still walking like me?”
They all turned to see Ireeza striding up, wearing jeans and a tube top. She gave Ranma a winning smile. “Hey, dreamboat!”
“Grrrr…” Videl growled at her former best friend.
“Down girl!” Nabiki teased.
Videl tensed up to hurt Nabiki, but Ranma put his arm around her quickly. “I told you, you can’t fight someone weaker than you. You’d just be bullying her.”
She stared daggers at the Tendo girl. “But it would make me feel sooo much better.”
Ireeza just fell into step beside Videl. “So how long do you plan to walk to school? Don’t you two usually fly in one form or another.”
Videl thumbed over at Nabiki. “If SOMEONE wasn’t tagging along, we’d be rooftop hopping.”
“Too bad.” The blonde falsely sympathized. She quietly enjoyed being able to spend more time with Ranma outside of class. She had been meeting them along the way ever since the day after Nabiki had first shown up. She had seen the trio walking to school that day and had fallen into the pattern ever since.
Ranma just glared at the heavens. You hate me, don’t you? He shouted mentally.
Most men wouldn’t complain.
Ranma started. He turned to Videl. “Did you say something?”
“No.”
“Did you say something?” He turned toward Nabiki.
“No, why?”
Ranma shook his head. “Never mind.” Great. Now I’m going crazy. What else could go wrong?
“Nihao!”
Ranma found his face planted into the pavement by bicycle tire. Atop the bike was a way too cheerful for the early morning Amazon. “Nihao, Airen. Is beautiful day, yes? You take Shampoo to date!”
All three of the other girls growled at the Amazon, who was still pedaling on top of Ranma’s head.
From the shadows, a pair of eyes watched the martial artist and his quartet of women. The figure absently gripped their weapon. Saotome, you enemy of women. Leading all those girls on at the same time. I’ll be doing the world a favor by ridding it of you!
Ranma got out from under the tire and glared at Shampoo. “For the LAST TIME!!! I’M NOT YOUR HUSBAND, AND NEVER WILL BE!!!”
Shampoo smiled vacantly. “You find out soon enough that Shampoo make good wife!”
“Hussy.” Nabiki and Videl commented simultaneously. They appraised each other with a raised eyebrow.
“PREPARE TO DIE YOU ENEMY OF WOMEN!!!”
Ranma saw the figure flying through the air and then looked around trying to figure out who they were talking about. He stepped aside in time to see a giant spatula imbedded in the concrete beside him. He looked confusedly at the boy seething in anger in front of him. “Who are you talking about?”
“DIE!” The boy took another swing at him.
Ranma easily weaved in and out of the blows. “Would you please tell me what this is all about?”
“Fine! Do I have to spell it out for you!” The boy sat down, pulled out portable grill, and poured out some batter. He flipped the flat piece of dough and added ingredients. After a final pouring of sauce, the boy flipped his spatula and sent the Japanese pizza into Ranma’s face.
The pigtailed martial artist caught it in his mouth. He flipped it up with his lower lip and read the kanji written in sauce. It said, ‘I challenge you to a duel to the death!’ He shrugged and ate the small snack.
When it hit his palate, he paused. His head cocked to the side. “I know that sauce!” He finally announced.
The boy in the purple chef’s outfit crossed his arms over his chest. “So now you remember! Do you remember about the agreement?”
Ranma thought for a second. He snapped his fingers. “I defeat you, and I get a free meal! Yeah! Okonomiyaki Ucchan!” He walked up and slapped the other boy on the shoulder. “How have you been buddy? I haven’t seen you since we were five! This is great!”
Videl was just watching the scene play out with her mouth hanging open. “This guy tries to kill you, and he’s your friend?” Ukyou gave Videl a glare when she said, ‘guy’.
Ranma gave Ukyou another friendly slap on the back. “You bet! We were the best friends!”
The chestnut haired chef glared at Ranma. “No we’re NOT! Don’t you remember the other agreement?”
He looked confused again. “No.”
“Try thinking back to the day you left?”
“I remember that you were crying and chasing us the whole time that we were leaving.” He pictured a younger self waving goodbye to little Ukyou.
“Try remembering a little lower and forward.” The chef deadpanned.
His brain shifted forward and he saw his father with a mouth full of dough pulling along Ukyou’s father’s okonomiyaki cart. “Uh, what was pops doing with your family’s cart?”
“You two left me beside the side of the road.” She growled into the ground.
“So why did they do that?” Videl stepped up beside Ukyou. “Were you supposed to go with him?”
Ranma looked at Ukyou with a perpetual confused look on his face. “Yeah, I know we were good friends and all, but why were you supposed to come with us, and why did pops have your cart?”
Shampoo shook her head. “Shampoo have no time to talk about chef-man. Shampoo need get deliveries done. See Airen later, yes?” She tried to approach for a kiss goodbye, but Videl kept her line of sight to Ranma blocked, so she left without further protest, glaring daggers at Videl the whole time.
Ukyou tensed at the ‘man’ remark.
Ireeza looked at her watch. “And I’m going to late for class. You had probably come too, Nabiki. Unlike the ‘champions of justice’ here, we don’t get a free pass to miss school.”
The Tendo girl nodded in agreement. “As much as I would like to see this play out, I’d really rather not get detention this early in the semester.” She turned to Ranma. “Promise to tell me everything later?” Ranma shrugged non-committedly. “I’ll find out one way or another. See you later, mister.” She directed the last at Ukyou whose hackles started to rise.
Ireeza turned to the chef. “Yeah, later handsome.” They both turned and finished their walk to school.
Steam was starting to rise from Ukyou’s head.
Videl shook her head. “Anyways…Why was a man like you supposed to come with Ranma? Was his dad supposed to train you too?”
“THAT’S IT!!! I’VE HAD IT!!!” The okonomiyaki chef whipped out his battle spatula and swung it toward Videl.
The blow never made it as Ranma blocked it with his bracer. “Hey, Uchhan. We may have been friends before, but if you do anything to Videl, I’m going to hurt you.” His voice was even, but his face threatened murder.
“Just fight me!” The chef pulled back and swung again and again, ad nauseum.
Ranma just weaved in and out of all the blows. He occasionally lightly punched the spatula away to keep the distance between himself and the chef the same. “Can’t we let bygones be bygones? We were best friends!”
Ukyou was fuming. “Take me SERIOUSLY!”
“Can’t we talk about this?”
The chef stopped and stepped back in a guarded stance. Maybe if I act like I’m going to swing at one of his harem, he’ll take me seriously. “Well, since you don’t really want to fight, maybe one of your harem will, since you’re not man enough to face me!” He stepped toward Videl with his weapon raised. He came down in an arc that would miss Videl by a mile.
The pigtailed martial artist caught the spatula in mid-swing. “I told you not to do anything to her!” He kicked Ukyou in the stomach while still holding it, sending him flying away weaponless. The chef landed on his back and used his still considerable momentum to roll back to his feet. He reached into his bandolier and pulled out several mini-spatulas and threw them at the pair. Ranma managed to deflect them all with his bracers, but had dropped the combat spatula in the process. Ukyou dove in and recovered the weapon. He started taking viscous swipes at the raven-haired boy.
When one of the chef’s swipes came close to Videl, Ranma had had enough. “Gimme that!” He grabbed the giant spatula and started swinging at Ucchan. An upward slice went through Ukyou’s shirt.
Ukyou felt a breeze and reached for the open shirt. “Hold on!”
“Why should I?” He took another swing.
“Ranchan, stop!” The chef held up a free hand.
“Don’t call me that!”
Ukyou threw a bag of flour in his face. “Stop it, you jackass!” The chef managed to kick the spatula out of Ranma’s hands while he coughed in the cloud of flour.
Ranma growled and lunged at Ukyou. “I’ll show you!” He grabbed the chef from behind and his hands gripped two very soft and supple mounds of flesh that do not belong on the male anatomy. “Urk!” The cloud of flour cleared to show Ranma holding Ukyou’s breasts.
“Ukyou’s a girl!” Videl exclaimed.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” Ukyou grumbled.
“Let go of her!” Videl yelled, a hint of irritation in her voice.
Ranma realized what he was still holding. “Ack!” He quickly pulled his hands away and jumped about ten feet away. Ukyou pulled her shirt closed the best she could with her wraps gone. “H-How l-long?”
Ukyou looked at him with a sad glare. “Have I been a girl? All my life, stupid.”
“Hold on a sec.” He reached into his school bag, pulled out his thermos, and dumped it on Ukyou’s head.
“Ouch! What did you do that for, you jackass!” She yelled at him crossly.
Videl stepped up between the two before anything could escalate. She leaned up against Ranma and looked at the chef. “So what is this all about? Did his idiot father steal your family’s cart?”
“Wouldn’t surprise me.” Ranma snorted.
Ukyou glared at Ranma. “The cart was a dowry. Ranma and I were engaged for marriage.”
Videl smacked her forehead and fell back into Ranma, who caught her easily. “Not another one…”
“Another one?” Ukyou gave her a questioning glance.
The pigtailed martial artist rolled his eyes. “That idiot father of mine engaged me to you and Nabiki. I have a feeling you two aren’t the only ones.”
“Don’t forget Shampoo.” Videl ribbed him.
He slapped his forehead. “Don’t remind me.”
“What’s going on here?” A very puzzled Ukyou asked.
Ranma took a deep breath. He motioned to Videl. “Ucchan, this is Videl, my g-girlfriend. We met a couple months ago, and I’m training her to be as good as me.”
“We’ve been through a lot together.” She kissed him quickly. He blushed bright red.
Ukyou’s eyebrow twitched. “So who were all those other girls?” She took a moment to rearrange her clothes in a wearable fashion.
Ranma took a deep breath. “It’s a long story, but you might as well hear it. Where should I start?”
The chef crossed her arms, still not entirely convinced that Ranma was totally innocent. “Start with the bimbo on the bike.”
“The one on the bike was Shampoo. She’s a Chinese Amazon that I defeated in combat and, because of that stupid law of theirs, she thinks she’s my fiancé.” Ranma shook his head.
“What about the blonde?” The chef asked.
“She’s one of my classmates that has a crush on Ranma.” Videl answered this one. “She’s been stealing my boyfriends since we were little. I’m doing my damnedest to make sure she doesn’t take this one.” She smiled up at Ranma, who flushed again.
“And the girl with the bowl cut?”
“That’s Nabiki.” Ranma replied. “Her father and pops used to train together under their master. They made a pact to unite their families when their children were old enough.”
Videl muttered a few choice words about the woman and what she really thought of her.
“And so now you just string them all along like a Don Juan!” Ukyou concluded.
Ranma held up his hands in warding gestures, inadvertently sending Videl stumbling to the side. “It’s nothin’ like that! I’ve been trying to get rid of ‘em, but they just won’t listen! And with Nabiki, it’s a matter of family honor! I still haven’t figured out how to get out of that one!”
Videl regained her balance and crossed her arms. “Plus my daddy let her move into our place. He’s trying to break Ranma and I up.”
Ukyou hefted her combat spatula. “Well, I still have to take you out for ruining me for marriage!”
Ranma lifted an eyebrow. “Why are you ruined?”
“Because of you I couldn’t be a woman anymore! You rejected me and everyone thought that I wasn’t worth anything because I was dumped by my fiancé when I was little!”
“I didn’t dump you!” Ranma defended himself. “I didn’t know we were engaged! Hell, I didn’t even know you were a girl!” Her eyebrow twitched again. He smiled. “Besides, you’re actually pretty cute. You’d make a great wife. I don’t see why you’d have any trouble getting a husband.”
Ukyou stopped as she was about to bring her giant spatula to bear. It dropped out of her hands. “W-what did you say?”
Videl smiled. “He said you’re cute, and I agree with him. You could have any man you wanted. Except for Ranma of course.” She took Ranma by the arm, and he had just got his regular color back from blushing before.
Ukyou stood stock still as she remembered the first person to call her cute. The other two opinions here helped reinforce what he had said. She began to think about him and blush. “Y-you mean that?”
The daughter of Satan got a sly grin on her face. “You’ve got somebody else in mind, don’t you?” The chef turned even brighter red.
“That’s great!” Ranma exclaimed. “You should go after him!” He was proud of himself for thinking of a statement that would get rid of at least ONE fiancé.
“B-but I don’t know. What about our betrothal?” She sputtered.
Ranma slapped her on the back. “Hey, we can let bygones be bygones and forget the whole thing. I don’t want to marry you, and you don’t want to marry me. I just want my buddy back.”
She looked up at him. “You mean you still want to be friends after I’ve tried to kill you?”
“Ranma’s special like that.” Videl smiled at her boyfriend. He wondered if he’d ever get his skin to any other color besides red in this conversation. “Besides, it was all that stupid panda’s fault anyway. Ranma didn’t know anything about your marriage. I think that we can all be friends.”
The chef gave her a hard look. “Did you say, ‘panda’?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Is he about six feet tall, fat, and have a tendency to walk around on two legs?”
“That’s pops.” Ranma rolled his eyes. “He’s camping out over at the Tendo’s waiting for me to change my mind and marry Nabiki.”
“How can that be your father?” Ukyou asked.
Ranma sighed. “I might as well show you. Videl, do you have your spare thermos?” She nodded. Ranma motioned Ukyou to follow him to a nearby water fountain. He splashed himself and transformed into Ranma-Chan. After bringing a dazed Ukyou back to the conscious world, he explained about Jusenkyo
Quite a few pieces began to fall in the puzzle for Ukyou. She then had another thought. “You said you and her dad used to train together. Was there anyone else they trained with?”
Ranma scratched his head. “Not that I know of. Pops, Mr. Tendo, and I are the only practitioners of Anything Goes Martial Arts.” Videl coughed. “And Videl of course.”
“Nobody named Son?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Never heard of him.”
A large smile crept across Ukyou’s face. “I think I will go after the man I’m thinking about.”
Ranma smiled. He had succeeded in getting rid of one fiancé! Ha! Take that Kami!
I can make more you know…
Ranma looked around frantically, but found no one around that should have a voice like that. What the heck? And shook his head and went on. “So can we still be friends?”
Ukyou smiled a pleasant grin and nodded. “I guess it won’t be so bad to have my friend Ranchan back.”
“I’m glad you’re back Ucchan.” He smiled back.
Videl stepped up and offered her hand to the chef. “I’d like to be friends too. Any friend of Ranma’s is a friend of mine.”
Ukyou took the hand and shook it. “I’d like that.”
“Yeah, you can just call her Vichan.” Ranma chided.
The raven-haired girl turned to him. “You don’t even call me that, ‘Rannchan’.”
“How about now, Vichan?” She rolled her eyes.
Ukyou laughed at the antics of the couple. “Well, I guess I’d better get going then. I guess I got a man to catch.”
Videl took the other girl by the arm and started to lead her into town. “How about your new friend gives you a little help?”
“Like what?” The chef replied with honest confusion in her voice.
“Maybe a new outfit, and a new hairstyle. You’ll be able to knock him dead with your looks instead of just knocking him about a bit.” The two girls giggled.
“I don’t want to go clothes shopping again!” Ranma whined. He remembered the last time he had gone clothes shopping with his girlfriend. She always took to long and made every opportunity to embarrass him. She even took his to a lingerie store!
Videl turned and patted him on the chest. “Don’t worry, Ranchan. This shopping trip is just for us girls. You can go to school.”
“How am I going to explain that I’m there and you’re not? They know I’d never let you face any danger alone.”
“That’s so sweet!” Ukyou ribbed Ranma, who was blushing once again.
Videl threw up her hands. “Fine! You can go home and train! Beat up daddy if you want. I don’t care.”
Ranma was gone in a flash.
Ukyou blinked. “Wow. I never knew Ranchan was so fast.”
“One, he’s skipping school.” Videl started ticking of numbers with her fingers. “Two, he’s going to go training. Three, he got out of shopping with me. Right now he’s one of the happiest men on Earth. All he needs now is a good fight, and he’ll be in heaven.”
“That’s Ranchan.” Ukyou laughed. “Shall we go Vichan?”
“Sure, Ucchan. We’ll get you ready to go capture you a husband.” ‘Vichan smiled. “He won’t know what hit him.”