Mr. Satan walked down the halls of his mansion grumbling about the boy that was freeloading and stealing his daughter. It had been a week since they had declared their feelings for each other, and he still wasn’t happy about it. He continued his silent tirade until a noise to his left caught his attention.
“Ughn! Go easy on me, Ranma!”
Mr. Satan’s eyes went wide. The voice was obviously his Videl!
“Not like this is your first time. Put your leg up, it’ll make it a little easier on me.”
“Ouch! That hurt!”
“It’ll only hurt for a little bit. Just a second…There! Doesn’t that feel better?”
“Yeah! Okay, my turn to play doctor!”
Every muscle in Mr. Satan’s body tensed up at once. I’ll show that no good boy a thing or two about respect! He’s taking the honor of my daughter!
“God, Videl! You don’t have to make it hurt so bad!”
“‘It’ll only hurt for a little bit.’” Her voice mocked Ranma’s earlier tone.
“That does it!” Mr. Satan kicked the door down to see two surprised figures, both fully clothed and trying to bandage each other up from their morning sparring session. They both looked like they had fought a few rounds with a rabid wolverine and came out smiling. Mr. Satan’s jaw hit the floor.
Videl waved. “Yo, dad. Uh, why couldn’t you just knock if you had to go so bad?”
Ranma looked at the older man. “Or isn’t there another bathroom in this house? Man, you don’t look so good. You look a little pale.”
Mr. Satan finally got his wits back about him. He was still a little upset, especially since his daughter was sporting a shiner. Of course Ranma had one to match. “What happened to you two?”
Videl rubbed a bandage on her cheek. “It’s not what you think. I told Ranma that I wanted him to go all out. He wouldn’t listen until I blacked his eye. Then we just sort of got a little carried away.”
“But you can’t tell me it wasn’t fun.” Ranma smiled at her.
Videl laughed. “Yeah, it was. We’ll have to keep doing it.”
Ranma shook his head. “Hey, I don’t want to hurt you!”
Videl socked him in the jaw, but with no real intent. “I won’t get any better if you don’t!”
“Just one request.”
Videl lifted an eyebrow. “What?”
“Don’t kick me in the nuts like that again, for Kami’s sake!”
“Hey, Anything Goes. It got your attention, didn’t it?”
“Hey! I’d like to have kids one day!” They both stopped as if they had just been struck.
“Eh-hum.” They both turned to see that Mr. Satan was still standing in the room. “There will be no talk of kids while I’m around!”
Videl smiled a playful grin. “Okay, then leave.” Mr. Satan’s face went pale again. “Just kidding, daddy! Come on, Ranma, we’re going to be late for school!”
The school day was uneventful, as uneventful as any day in Ranma’s life could be that is. A few crimes thwarted, one Shyapuna attack batted aside, a couple passes by Ireeza, and Ranma and Videl were happily roof hopping on their way home. They landed and the butler opened the door for them. “Something arrived for you in the mail, Ranma.”
Ranma turned to the older man. “Who the heck knows I’m here? Who would send me a package anyway?”
The butler shook his head. “I have no idea, but here it is. I believe someone sent you an animal by the air holes.” He handed the package to an even more perplexed Ranma.
“I don’t have any pets that anyone would send me.” He looked at the box speculatively. Suddenly, it started to shake and purple blur buzzed past him and bounced around the room a few times, coming to rest on top of a china cabinet behind Ranma.
Videl recognized the form. “It’s a cat! Who would send you a cat, Ranma?” No response. “Ranma?”
Ranma’s pigtail was sticking straight up in the air as he slowly backed away from the animal. “N-Nice K-K-Kitty.” His eyes were that of total fear for his life, something that Videl had never seen on his face.
“Ranma? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
He raised a shakey finger toward the purple cat was looking at Ranma with a sad look on its face. “C-c-c-cat!” The cat suddenly jumped on his chest, and he fell back with his arms flailing. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”
Videl’s eyes went wide at the cry of utter terror that came from her boyfriend. She decided to take matters into her own hands. She picked up the cat. The cat slashed at her hands. “OUCH!!! Open the door, Shiro!” The butler opened the door and Videl chunked the cat out the door with a look of satisfaction on her face. She bent down to examine a now relieved Ranma. “Are you all right? What was that?”
There were still some tremors going through Ranma’s body as he got back to his feet. “D-damn pops training! He thought it’d be a great idea to throw me into a put of starving cats when I was around five tied up in fish cakes. He kept on doing it over and over again.”
The butler had a concerned look on his face. “The Neko-Ken training?”
Ranma’s
face lit up in surprise. “You’ve heard
of it?”
Shiro nodded. “Unfortunately. My brother has told me of some the oddest training techniques he’s heard about. This one he mentioned causing the recipient to become quite insane. The technique was supposed to have been banned for that reason.”
Videl shook her head. “They should put a warning on it.”
The butler nodded. “They did actually, but some people choose to ignore them.”
Ranma rolled his eyes. “Sounds like something pops would do.”
Videl looked at Ranma with a sympathetic eye. And here I thought I had a bad father. Ranma’s been through so much, and it’s all his father’s fault. She silently vowed to eviscerate the bastard if she ever met him.
The butler looked Ranma over from head to toe. “So did you suffer any other side effects besides the ailurophobia?”
Ranma got a confused look on his face. “Ailura-who?”
The bulter rolled his eyes. “A fear of cats.”
Ranma thought for a second. “Well, sometimes I have blackouts. I don’t remember anything, but pops told me I act like a cat.”
Videl’s face was filling with even more anger at Ranma’s father. “Who could do that to their own child?”
Ranma snorted. “Someone who wanted their kid to be the best martial artist in the world, no matter what. Sometimes I wonder if he ever had my interests in mind.”
Videl scowled. “Obviously. What else did he do to you?”
“Like he en…uh, he did some bad stuff. I’d really don’t want to talk about it.”
The raven-haired girl let it slide and sighed, her features returning to a brighter mood. I probably don’t want to know. Most likely it’ll just make me want to kill his father more. “So what else did you want to do today?”
Ranma brightened up. “How about train some more?”
Videl shook here. The boy has a one-track mind. Maybe I should do something to derail it. “How about we go out for a movie?”
Ranma shrugged. “I think there’s a new Jackie Chan flick out.”
She shook her head. The boy is absolutely thick. Oh well, it’s better than nothing. “Okay, I’ll go change. We should probably grab a bath. We did some heavy crime fighting today.”
He nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah, I still haven’t figured out why those guys were beating people up with goofy masks on.”
Videl shrugged. “Some people.”
Ranma and Videl headed toward separate bathrooms to cleanup up for their ‘date’. Ranma knew that Videl would take a while longer than he would to get ready so he knew he some time to relax. Ranma opened the door to the bathroom and was unaware that another presence followed him.
Ranma started with the cold rinse and shivered as the cold water and his transformation came over him. Ranma-Chan washed herself quickly and efficiently, after all if she took time to explore her female body, someone would call her a pervert. She finished up and at last stepped into the hot bath and relaxed as he felt his natural form take over. “Ahhh!” He closed his eyes and leaned back.
“Purrr…”
Ranma’s eyes opened wide in a flash. He sat up and looked excitedly around the room. Nothing. He finally sighed and relaxed again. “Just my imagination.” He closed his eyes once again.
“Meow.”
“AHHHHHHH!!!!” He shot straight up out of the water and landed beside the tub in a defensive stance. There before his eyes was the source of that dreaded sound. The same purple cat from this morning was sitting at the entrance of the bath staring at his naked form with a look of hunger in its eyes. Ranma backed slowly towards the tub. “Niiiiice kitty. Oh please don’t eat me! Uh, good kitty….”
The cat started to stalk forward, the carnivorous gleam still in its eye. Ranma’s eyes went wide in sheer terror. He felt his heel hit the bathtub, nowhere else to run. He would have just thrown the cat out the window, if he weren’t so frightened of it.
Finally the cat leapt at its prey. Ranma threw his arms up to shield his face. The motioned leaned him backwards and the cat landing on his chest pushed him the rest of the way over into the tub. He came up sputtering for breath and found that there was a much larger body in the bath than a cat.
“Ranma! You is real man! Wo Ai Ni!” The nude form of Shampoo glomped onto Ranma.
“AHHHHHH!!!! What the hell are you doing here?!” Ranma tried to pry the new growth off of his body.
“Shampoo so happy you no girl! Now we is married!” Shampoo purred into his neck.
“AHHHHHH!!! Don’t do that!!!”
“What’s going on in here?”
Ranma and Shampoo’s heads snapped around to where Videl had stormed in wearing only her bathrobe. She saw the Amazon wrapped around her Ranma wearing nothing more than a smile.
Ranma was sweating bullets. “IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!” He tried again to pry Shampoo off of him.
Shampoo latched on harder. “What wrong, Airen? You no complain before.”
“AHHHHH!!!”
Videl was getting real tired of hearing Ranma’s shouts, that were obviously not from pleasure. Her anger grew as she walked over and grabbed Shampoo by the nape of the neck. “Get…out…of…my…house…” She pulled back hard and Shampoo released Ranma from the pain going through her frame. Shampoo made a vain attempt to strike Videl, but only hit her robe. “And…stay…away…from…RANMA!!!” Videl dropkicked the Amazon out the window.
Ranma chuckled nervously. “Uh, thanks.” His eyes went wide again as he realized that he was once again standing before Videl completely in the buff.
Videl locked onto his form again and froze. Her robe fell open from Shampoo’s earlier attack. Ranma froze as he got his first real good look at Videl.
“What’s going on in here?!?!” Mr. Satan stormed in to see his daughter standing with her robe open in front of an even barer Ranma. His teethed ground as he started seething in anger.
Ranma grabbed the nearest towel and covered himself while Videl closed her robe. They both looked at him and spoke at once. “IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!!!”
Veins were standing on Mr. Satan’s forehead as he strode forward, his hands flexing and unflexing. “YOU’RE TRYING TO SEDUCE MY DAUGHTER!”
Ranma thought fast. He struck a dramatic pose and stuck his fist in the air. “Saotome final attack!” Mr. Satan stopped for an instant, that instant was all Ranma needed. “RUN AWAY!” He threw the towel over Mr. Satan’s head and ran passed him and out of the bathroom.
Videl chuckled nervously as she decided that maybe that tactic would be best. She turned and bolted after the pigtailed martial artist. “This is just not a good day for dad and bathrooms…”
Across town a giant wooden duck settled down in a construction area. The workers all stopped to see the odd sight. The canvas covering the top opened up and a diminutive figure hopped atop the false avian. It was an old woman standing atop a small staff. Her white hair trailed down past her body and halfway down her pole. “Son-In-Law?” She glanced around at all the construction workers looking at her. “Have any of you seen my Son-In-Law?”
The crane worker wasn’t paying attention and drew in his wench too far. The steel I-beam that was on the hook broke loose and plummeted towards the unsuspecting old woman.
The crowd ran as the steel beam fell, hoping that the woman would see it in time to save herself. They certainly were not going to help her. She was old enough to have lived a good life…
The woman looked up and nonchalantly pointed her staff upward just as the girder was about to smash her. The beam struck the point of her staff and quickly disintegrated. The construction workers could only stare with slack jaws and wide eyes.
The old woman brushed herself off. “Now have any of you seen my Son-In-Law?” Everyone just shook their head. “All right, does anyone know where Satan lives?”
One not-so-bright looking man scratched his head. “Uh, hell?” His coworker beside him slapped him senseless.
The foreman pointed toward the Satan Estate. “Mr. Satan lives that way. You can’t miss his house.”
The old woman nodded. “Thank you.” She bounded the direction indicated, using the staff like a pogo stick. She hopped on a few of the construction worker’s hard hats when they were in her way. Quickly she made her way out of the site and toward the den of Satan.
Back at the Satan estate a very furious Mr. Satan was pacing back and forth in front of three teenagers. They were sitting on the back porch watching him try to pace a trench into the ground. Ranma and Videl had an apprehensive look on their face. Ranma was in his usual red and black Chinese attire. Videl was wearing orange jumper over a long sleeved black shirt and biking shorts. Shampoo was just sitting there with an amused grin on her face wearing a purple silk dress that barely covered her assets.
Mr. Satan turned to the teens abruptly and pointed an accusatory finger at them. “Now I want to know exactly what’s going on, and I want to know now!”
Videl took a deep breath. “Well, you see daddy…” She went into a brief description of what Shampoo was doing there and the laws that said she was married to Ranma. She also gave her side of the bathroom story. “So you see, it was all a misunderstanding.”
Mr. Satan got a sly look on his face. Well, it would have looked sly on anyone else’s face, but on him it made him look constipated. “I see. Ranma, why are you bothering my little girl when you already have a wife?”
Ranma stiffened up. “SHE’S NOT MY WIFE!!!”
Shampoo leaned into him and nuzzled his neck. “Sure Shampoo is you wife. Is law!” She reached her hand up Ranma’s leg.
Videl slapped her hand away and hauled Ranma toward her. “That’s just a stupid law in your village! This is Japan, not backwoods China!”
“Get hands off Airen!” Shampoo tried to haul Ranma back toward her. Ranma just looked helplessly forward as the two girls started to play tug-of-war with his arms.
“I see that this is a unique situation.”
Everyone turned to see the short wrinkled old woman standing in the yard atop her staff. Ranma gave her a repulsed look. “It’s a ghoul!”
Cologne was beside him in an instant and swatted him in the head with her staff. WHACK!!! “You need to show more respect to your elders.”
Ranma rubbed the back of his head. He hadn’t even seen her move. “Ow. That hurt you old ghoul. Who the heck are you anyways?”
Shampoo smiled. “Shampoo glad to see great-grandmother. Ranma, this is Khon Lon.”
Ranma shook his head. “Great, first it’s Shampoo, and now it’s Cologne. What next? Hair Dryer?” WHACK! Ranma rubbed the second lump on the back of his head. “Would you quit that, you old troll!” He turned and threw a punch at the figure atop the staff. The old woman easily dodged and sent another rap to the side of his head.
Mr. Satan had had enough of being ignored in his own house. “Who the hell are you! Get off my lawn! I’m trying to dish out some discipline here!”
Cologne landed in front of Mr. Satan. “I’m Khon Lon the Matriarch of the Amazon tribe. Who are you to be giving orders to me?”
The elder Satan took a step back at the abruptness of her appearance in front of him. “I’m Mr. Satan! The Tenkaichi Budokai champion and the man who defeated Cell!”
Cologne rolled her eyes. I knew we should have sent more entrants into that tournament. Especially after that Goku kid quit showing up. Of course Ranfan wasn’t the best one to send… She shook her head. “You my be the champion, but you certainly didn’t defeat Cell.”
Mr. Satan took a step back. “W-what do you mean? Of course I beat him! Haven’t you seen my press?”
Cologne shook her head. “You don’t have an aura sufficient to even be seen, much less be the one that I sensed destroy Cell.”
Ranma and Videl both looked on in concern. Videl because her father’s word was coming into question, Ranma because he was beginning to think that he should have bothered to learn more about this Cell guy.
Mr. Satan huffed up and put his hands on his hips. “Those were all just tricks! I defeated him using good old-fashioned brute strength!”
Cologne narrowed her eyes. “Mindless brute you mean. You’re lying.” To prove her point, she knocked the man off his feet with a single wave of her staff.
Videl turned to Ranma as her father was getting back to his feet. “Do something, Ranma! She has to be lying!” A desperate look was on her face.
Ranma shrugged. “What-dya want me to do?”
“Get her out of here! She’s trying to ruin the honor of our family!”
Ranma shrugged. All this family honor stuff coming up all the sudden, I hope it’s not a trend. “Yo, Old Ghoul! Leave the idiot alone. I’m the one you came for. Let’s fight!”
Cologne turned an amused grin to him. “So you want to marry me as well as Shampoo?”
Ranma cringed and fought hard to keep his lunch down. “That’s disgusting! Who’d want to marry a shriveled up raisin like you?” WHACK! “Would you stop doing that?!”
“Not until you learn to respect your elders. Now you will come back to China with me and marry Shampoo, is that clear?”
“No way, you old bat?” WHACK! “THAT’S IT!!! KIAI!!!” He threw a punch at the elder. She easily evaded. He tried again, same results. “I’ll get you!” He started to chase her around the yard.
Shampoo and Videl were sitting on the porch with large sweatdrops on their heads. Mr. Satan was still lying on the ground, too embarrassed to get up. Shampoo spoke first. “Ranma best listen to great-grandmother. He no can beat her.”
Videl turned an angry expression the younger Amazon’s way. “Hey! Ranma always wins! He’ll catch her!” Ranma’s shouts of ‘get back here, old ghoul’ was heard from her side.
Shampoo smiled. “You was saying?”
Videl sweatdropped again.
Cologne hopped to the top of the wall. “Come on Sonny-boy! You can’t be tired yet!”
Ranma had stopped for a second to catch his breath. “It’s long from over!” He leapt at her once again, and she easily evaded. She led Ranma off into the afternoon sun.
Shampoo giggled and followed shortly after, a silly smile plastered on her face.
Videl just shook her head. She walked over helped her father up. “What was she talking about with the auras?”
Mr. Satan shook his head. “Nothing! She was obviously fooled by Cell’s tricks!”
Videl had a doubtful expression on her face. “Were you really the one who beat Cell?”
Mr. Satan laughed. “Of course! No one can beat your dad!”
Videl smacked her forehead. Ranma and that old bat did! What really happened out there?
The sun was setting on the outskirts of Satan City. The sounds of approaching darkness filled the air. The red of the sun passing into the horizon shone on the figure of the elder Amazon as she wistfully watched it leave for another night.
“Finally caught up with you, old ghoul.”
Cologne smiled and narrowed her eyes, but did not turn around. “I didn’t even hear you. Shampoo chose well indeed. Why don’t you just come back with us to China? There’s nothing for you here.”
Ranma scowled. “Videl is here. As long as I have feelings for her, I’ll be here.”
“Oh really. What if I were to tell you that by the end of week you will be begging to come to China with us?”
Ranma crossed his arms. “Heh, yeah right.”
Cologne turned and struck the middle of Ranma’s chest with the end of her staff. “We’ll both see. Until tomorrow, Son-In-Law.” She hopped off the roof they were on and off into the city.
Ranma just stood there absently rubbing the spot she had just struck. “What was that all about?”
Later that evening, Ranma was settling in for another bath. He washed with the cold water again and then tried to step into the bath. “IT’S HOOOOOT!!!” Ranma-Chan quickly filled the bucket with cold water and dumped it over herself. She shook her head and figured it must have been a mistake she jumped in and quickly jumped out crying out in pain.
Videl burst in, fully clothed this time, to find Ranma-Chan dumping another bucket of cold water over herself. “What’s wrong?”
Ranma-Chan pointed to the bathtub. “The water is scalding!”
Videl waved her hand over the water, trying to feel any heat off of it. When she didn’t feel very much, she stuck her hand in. “This water’s lukewarm. What the matter?” She splashed Ranma-Chan to emphasize her point.
Ranma-Chan shouted in pain again. “IT’S HOOOOOT!!!”
Videl was completely stupefied. She could tell Ranma-Chan wasn’t faking it. “What happened?”
Ranma quickly ran over the events of the day. She finally touched the spot on her chest between her breasts. “The old ghoul.” She said quietly.
“What?” Videl asked.
“The old ghoul did this.” Ranma-Chan said louder.
“That’s right sonny.” They both turned to see Cologne standing on the windowsill. “That pressure point I hit makes your body as sensitive as a cat’s tongue. Until you agree to come to China with Shampoo and I, you will never be able to touch hot water again.”
Ranma-Chan’s jaw dropped. “I’ll never be able to be a guy again?!?!?!”
Mr. Satan burst in. “WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE?!”
Videl quickly turned. “IT’S NOT WHAT YOU…oh never mind.”