Videl and Ranma-Chan walked slowly toward Orange Star High. Ranma-Chan had a scowl on her face as she walked with her head hung low. Videl only watched her with a concerned look on her face. Ranma-Chan muttered something. Videl looked at her and asked, “What was that?”
Ranma-Chan huffed a little. “I can’t believe you talked me into going to school like this. How am I supposed to explain they way I look!”
Videl had a pained look on her face. “Ranma, you’ve missed almost a week’s worth of classes! I couldn’t let you fail.”
“Why not? Not like I’m going to use any of this school crap anyways.”
Videl turned and stopped in front of the redhead. “Ranma! You have to get an education if you’re going to get anywhere in life!”
Ranma-Chan looked up at her with a defiant look on her face. “I went to China without no education!”
“Without ‘any’ education, and that’s not what I meant!” The black haired girl crossed her arms. “Look, if you ever want to open a dojo or anything you have to get a diploma. College is completely optional as far as I’m concerned, but you have to graduate from High School!”
Ranma-Chan scowled at her. “But how am I going to get an education as a girl! They’ll think I’m a completely different student! I can’t tell them about my curse. I’ll be laughed out of the school!”
Videl shrugged. “We’ll just tell them that Ranma’s sick and you’re getting his homework and notes.”
“Why couldn’t you do that and leave me alone back at the house?!”
Videl gritted her teeth. “Listen, to you! You sound like the world has come to an end!”
The pigtailed redhead clenched her fists. “IT IS!!! I’M A GUY!!! I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS!!!”
Videl raised her hand and slapped him across the face, drawing an astonished gaze from Ranma-Chan. The smaller girl put a hand to her reddening cheek. “Listen to you! I thought the great Saotome Ranma never lost! You can’t give up now! There has to be a way out of this!”
“But what can I do with this body! It not strong enough to beat that old ghoul!” Ranma-Chan pouted.
Videl lifted the other girl’s chin. “Ranma, do you think I’m weak?”
Ranma-Chan still felt the sting of the first slap and wasn’t eager for another one. “Uh, no.” Good answer, she thought.
“Then what makes you think your girl form is weak? You fought me like this before and still beat me. Why can’t you defeat that old ghoul as well?”
Ranma-Chan’s expression changed to one of deep thought. Videl’s word’s struck a chord deep down. After a minute or two, something clicked back into place. Ranma-Chan began to smile. “Maybe you’re right.”
Videl smiled back. “Of course, I’m right. Now how about we go show that old bat that she picked the wrong people to mess with after school?”
Ranma-Chan’s confidence was returning at a rapid rate. “Sounds like a date to me.”
“AIREN!!!” *Glomp*
Ranma-Chan found herself with a large purple lump on her chest. “Shampoo! Getoffame!!!”
Shampoo leaned back with a pained look on her face. “Airen no happy see wife?”
“You ain’t my wife!!!”
Videl was going nuts from all the bad grammar. “Let him go Shampoo! We’ve got bigger fish to fry than you right now.”
Shampoo smiled a smug grin at the daughter of Mr. Satan. “You never beat great-grandmother. She is very old and skilled.”
Ranma-Chan scowled. “Just go away!”
Shampoo got a feigned hurt look on her face. “But Shampoo only come help Airen.”
“Help what? Get his butt bruised from tackling him?” Videl demanded.
Shampoo smiled. “Help Airen become man again.”
Videl growled. “And why would you do something like that?”
Shampoo poked one of Ranma-Chan’s breasts. “I no like him like this. Maybe pervert girl do?”
Videl’s face lit up in disbelief. “All right, bimbo girl, first get off of Ranma. Second, say your piece and leave!”
Shampoo let go of Ranma-Chan, much to her relief, and stood up, scowling the whole time. “Full body cat’s tongue have cure.”
That got Ranma-Chan’s attention. In exactly 0.5 seconds, she was on her feet with the collars (or as close to collars of her dress that she could grab onto in this case) in her hands, hauling the Amazon off the ground despite being shorter. “THERE’S A CURE! YOU GOTTA TELL ME!!!”
Shampoo smiled a smug grin. “Shampoo tell if go on date.”
Ranma-Chan didn’t even think. “OKAY!”
SMASH!!!
Videl removed her fist from the hole she had just buried Ranma-Chan in. She turned to the Amazon with a fire blazing in her eyes. “That’s it, you little hussy! I’ve told you before to keep your hands off of my man!!!” She grabbed the Amazon by the throat and threw her against the wall. “Now tell me how to get Ranma back to normal!!!” Videl was almost visibly glowing with anger.
Shampoo struggled for breath. “Why…Shampoo…tell…you?”
Videl’s expression hardened. “Because if you don’t, I’ll kill you right here.” She squeezed Shampoo’s neck for emphasis.
“ACK!!! Good answer.” Shampoo struggled to get loose.
Ranma-Chan came up and put a hand on Videl’s shoulder. “Come on, Videl. Let her loose. You don’t want to kill her.”
Videl blinked and realized what she was doing. She immediately let Shampoo loose. The Amazon fell to the ground coughing for breath.
Ranma-Chan knelt down beside the Amazon. “Shampoo, tell me how I can be cured. No threats, no dates, just the truth.”
Shampoo coughed a couple more times. “Phoenix pill.”
“What?” Ranma leaned closer.
“Great-grandmother have phoenix pill. Is only cure for full body cat’s tongue.”
Ranma shook Shampoo’s shoulders. “Where is it?!”
Shampoo looked up at him. “Is around great-grandmother’s neck.”
Ranma got a maniacal look on his face. “And this can cure me?” Shampoo nodded. “THAT’S GREAT!!! See you guys later!” With that he tore off toward the center of town, leaving a trail of dust flying behind him.
Videl turned to follow him, but the sound of Shampoo clearing her throat made her turn back again. The Amazon narrowed her eyes at the daughter of Mr. Satan. “Is not finished between us.”
Videl narrowed hers as well. “We’ll see. That was you last warning about Ranma.” She turned on her heel and left the Amazon standing there defiantly.
Ranma-Chan was running frantically through the street trying to find where Cologne was. He finally stopped in front of the most likely structure he could find. It was a brand-spanking new Ramen shop. “The Neko-Hanten? Cat-Spot, this must be the place.” She strode in and saw the matriarch of the Amazon tribe working behind the counter. “Yo, old ghoul! I’ve come for the cure!”
Cologne smiled in amusement. “And what cure would that be, Son-In-Law?”
Ranma-Chan’s brows furrowed. “I’ve come for the phoenix pill.”
“Oh this old thing?” Cologne showed Ranma the locket hanging from her neck. It was a rather large red oval container with kanji written on it. “It’s all yours, if you can take it from me, that is.”
Ranma-Chan rolled up the sleeves on her red Chinese shirt. “No problem. I’ll be a man again before dinner time.”
Cologne chuckled. “I knew that Shampoo would find a husband with some spunk, and a sense of humor.”
Ranma-Chan flexed her hands. “Laugh this off.” She leapt up and over the counter at Cologne. The diminutive woman stepped back and whipped the head of her staff around, sending Ranma headlong into the far wall of the restaurant.
“You’ll have to do better than that, Son-In-Law.” She chuckled with a smug grin on her face.
“Why you…” Ranma-Chan dove in again, only to be thrown into the wall at the back of the restaurant.
“You’re about three-hundred years behind to catch up with me, boy.” Cologne scoffed in amusement.
“I’ll get you…” Ranma-Chan stalked slowly up to the serving counter. She made a high leap, intending to land out of reach of the old ghoul and then spring for a low attack. In mid-air, Cologne hopped under her and swatted her out the door with minimal effort. Ranma-Chan could here the old woman’s cackling from the street.
“Come on,
sonny-boy. I haven’t had this much fun
in a hundred years.”
Ranma-Chan grit her teeth and growled. “That’s it!!! FULL ASSAULT!!!” She charged in ready to beat the living crap out of the shriveled raisin on a stick. She led off with a complex combination of punches meant to throw the opponent off balance while the foot swept them off their feet, leaving them at the mercy of the attacker.
Cologne just laughed, and, with a simple whip of her staff, sent Ranma-Chan flying out the door again. This time she landed in the trash heap across the street. “Keep trying, Son-In-Law! I don’t want to get bored!”
Ranma-Chan gritted her teeth until a sign in the window caught her eye. She took it down and walked it into the Neko Hanten. She held up the ‘help wanted’ sign and pointed to it. “Hey, old ghoul, can anyone apply?”
Later that night, Videl was getting nervous. She hadn’t seen or heard anything from Ranma since before school. She kept checking the clock periodically. I’d better go find him, she thought. He’s probably hurt in a gutter somewhere. Oh my! What if they’ve knocked him out and took him back to China!!! She jumped out of her seat and turned toward the front door.
About that time the door opened and Ranma-Chan walked in, or, more accurately, dragged herself in. She looked like she had run a marathon an hour since this morning. She stumbled and started to fall forwards. Videl caught her before she fell too far. “What happened?”
Ranma-Chan cracked a smile. “Gotta job.”
Videl rolled her eyes. “Doing what? Rhino wrestling?”
Ranma-Chan chuckled. “Waitressing at the Neko Hanten.”
Videl looked confused. “What’s that?”
“The old ghoul’s new restaurant. I’ve been trying to take the phoenix pill from her all day while she’s been working me like a dog.”
Videl pulled the smaller redhead close. “I could help you know.”
Ranma-Chan shook her head. “No. I gotta do this myself. I’ve gotta beat her at her own game.” With that, she fell asleep in Videl’s arms.
Videl shook her head. “Poor, poor, stupid Ranma.” She kissed her on the forehead, scooped the surprisingly light redhead up in her arms, and carried Ranma-Chan to her room.
The next morning Ranma-Chan woke Videl up for their morning sparring. Ranma-Chan had a determined look on her face as she stretched out quickly and efficiently. “Gonna get that ghoul today!” She kept repeating to herself.
Videl was started to get scared at how obsessed the pigtailed girl was getting. “Are you sure you’re okay, Ranma? You sure you don’t want my help?”
Ranma-Chan smiled. “I actually need your help in the mornings. We’re going to do nothing but speed drills until I get that pill!”
Videl sweatdropped at the amount of determination that was poured into that statement. She resigned herself to no actual combat training for the foreseeable future.
After an hour and a half of intense speed training drills, Videl dropped to the floor and breathed heavily. “Enough!!! You’re going to kill me!”
Ranma-Chan had a hurt look on her face. “But I need you to help me train!!!”
The dark haired girl pulled herself back to her feet. “You’ll never get it if you wear yourself out in the morning. Besides we need to get to school.”
The redhead stuck her lower lip out. “I’m NOT going to school as a GIRL! You just get my assignments and I’ll go to work. Tell them I had to get a job to pay for my family’s funeral or something.”
Videl rolled her eyes. “Okay, but I’m going to come check up on you after school, okay?”
“Okay.” Ranma-Chan took off at a trot toward the Neko Hanten.
Videl shook her head and sighed. “When he sets his mind to something, there’s no stopping him.” She turned the corner to her high school. She silently wondered why she stopped flying to school even when they weren’t rooftop hopping. It became obvious to her when she realized that Ranma had been getting her up much earlier than she did before and it afforded her the time to have a pleasant walk to school. Although she missed having Ranma beside her now…
She was startled out of her thoughts when there was a buzz going around the schoolyard. Videl’s senses were telling her that something was very wrong. Ireeza came up to her. “’Morning Videl, uh can I ask you a question?”
Videl’s brows furrowed. “Sure, go ahead.”
The blonde shifted her weight back and forth from one leg to another. “Is it true, that Ranma…is…uh…available?”
Videl’s danger senses were going wild now, but she managed to keep it out of her speech. “What do you mean?”
“Is it true you two broke up?”
The black haired girl’s eyes bugged out. “OF COURSE NOT!!! WHAT MADE YOU THINK A THING LIKE THAT?!?!?!”
Ireeza took a step back. “Well, he wasn’t here yesterday or today and nobody’s seen him in three days. There were rumors that he had run off with the Amazon woman.”
Videl looked a little pensive. “You don’t say…and who did you hear this from?”
The blonde looked around. “Your father told Shyapuna, and he’s been telling the whole school. I was hoping to get a chance to take Ranma out, if you were done with him that is.” She looked hopeful.
Videl’s muscles tensed up and she spun around, trying to find the muscle bound idiot who was trying to be her father’s protégé. She found him leaning against a tree with a smug look on his face. “Just a second.” She stepped away from Ireeza. She strode over in front of Shyapuna.
He smiled and waved. “Good morning, Videl. How are you today?”
Videl sneered. “Just peachy.” She punched him in the gut. When he doubled over, she flipped the blonde boy out into the middle of the courtyard. “RANMA AND I DID NOT BREAK UP!!!” She turned and stormed into the school.
Ireeza looked between the moaning boy and the fuming girl. “You could have just said it wasn’t true.” She shook her head and helped the boy to his feet. “A word of advice Shyapuna.”
The boy looked at her. His movements were groggy and unsteady. “Wassat?”
“Confirm rumors before you spread them. Somebody important might get hurt next time.”
Shyapuna nodded his head. About thirty seconds later Ireeza’s words finally sunk in. “HEY!”
After school was out, Videl was walking toward the ramen shop rubbing her temples. She was getting really tired of telling everyone that she and Ranma had not broken up. She had finally decided to tell everyone that he had gone on a training journey, which wasn’t too far from the truth. When she got to the Neko Hanten she saw a line that wrapped around the block. She went up to one of the people in line. “What’s going on here?”
The man pointed to the restaurant. “There supposed to be a beautiful waitress in there that can perform amazing feats of acrobatics while serving food. It’s the most entertaining restaurant in town.”
Videl slapped a hand over her face. That has to be Ranma. What the hell is going on in there? She stepped up to the front of the line. There was an aged balding man getting ready to go in. “Hey, mister. Do you mind if I cut ahead of you?” She tried to give her best cute sucker-anybody smile.
The old man adjusted his glasses and saw who it was. “Videl! Why I’d be honored to let the daughter of Mr. Satan go in front of me.”
“Thanks!” She smiled and went in, the sight she saw stopped her in her tracks.
In the middle of the room was Ranma-Chan, balancing no less than seven bowls of ramen on her person. She somehow managed to get them all passed out when a call of, “Three deluxe ramen, five teas!” Came from the kitchen. Videl turned in time to see eight objects fly from the kitchen window and go in trajectories all around the room. Ranma-Chan zipped all over the room. She caught the first ramen in her right hand, a tea in the other. She caught two more teas in the crooks of her elbows, another tea on the top of her head and the last on the tip of her right foot. The last bowl of ramen started falling to the floor, but Ranma-Chan somehow managed to catch it on a pair of chopsticks in her mouth. The crowd went wild with cheers and applause. With some mumbled thanks, Ranma-Chan quickly and efficiently passed out the food and drinks.
Videl numbly sat down at a vacant table and watched as another barrage came from the kitchen. Somehow Ranma-Chan managed to catch and distribute them all again. At one point Ranma-Chan got close enough to the kitchen to be in arms reach of Cologne. The redhead shot out her hand for the pink necklace around the elder’s neck. After a few seconds of fencing with their arms, Cologne sent the pigtailed girl flying across the room. Ranma-Chan landed in a crouch just as another order came up. She caught the orders in a very awkward stance and lightly tossed the bowls to the patron’s tables, not spilling a drop. Again applause followed.
Videl shook her head as Ranma-Chan walked up to her table with a dazed look on her face. “Welcome to the Neko Hanten, can I take your order?” She spoke like she was in a trance.
The black haired girl chuckled. “Ranma! It’s me!”
Ranma-Chan blinked. “Oh hi, Videl. Is it time for school to be over already?”
“It was over two hours ago!”
“Really? I must have lost track of time.”
“Three orders ramen and two crab Rangoon!” Came the cry from the kitchen.
Ranma-Chan jumped back and caught the bowls of ramen on her left arm while she caught the plates for the crab Rangoon in her right; a shower of fried crab followed the plates. Ranma-chan moved around frantically to catch them all on the plates in a decorative arrangement. More cheers came from the patrons.
By the time the redhead found her way back to Videl’s table, she looked like she had just came out of a train wreck. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Videl asked.
Ranma-Chan smiled weakly. “I’m Saotome Ranma. I never lose.”
The daughter of Mr. Satan patted the smaller girl lightly on the back. “Hang in there.”
Ranma-Chan fell over from the light pat, exhausted.
“Order up!!!”
The redhead shot bolt upright and went back to frantically catching orders and trying to swipe the necklace from the Amazon elder.
Videl shook her head. “How long can he last?”
A few days later, Videl watched Ranma-Chan catch and distribute greater amounts of food at even greater speed, but she was still not fast enough to grab the phoenix pill from the old ghoul. Videl looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was almost time for Ranma-Chan to get off work. I suppose I’ll have to carry the bullheaded idiot home again… She thought. She would have bereted him more, but she knew that he was determined to get his manhood back.
Ranma-Chan said goodbye to the last customer and locked the front entrance. “Time to for me to go, Old Ghoul, but I’m gonna get that pill tomorrow!” She said with fierce determination.
“Just a moment, Son-In-Law. Come out back to the alley. I want to show you something.”
Ranma-Chan and Videl went back to the alley. Right in the middle of the alley was a campfire with Shampoo and Cologne standing behind it. Ranma-Chan stood at a good distance because of her sensitivity to the fire.
Cologne produced a bag of water chestnuts. “Now Ranma, I will show you an ancient Amazon technique feared by the greatest emperors of China, The Chestnuts Roasting Over an Open Fire.”
Shampoo jumped up and clapped her hands. “Aiya! Airen lucky that great-grandma show ancient technique!”
Cologne threw the chestnuts into the fire, waited a couple seconds for the nuts to get warm, and then her arms became a blur. In a cloud of rapid hand movements, she opened her hands to reveal the nuts, clearly roasted through.
Videl and Ranma’s eyes lit up in wonder. “Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken.” They both breathed under their breath.
Cologne smiled with the knowledge that the children were suitably impressed. “Now you can go Ranma. See you bright and early in the morning.”
The entire walk home, Ranma-Chan was giddy with excitement. “I can do that! I can do anything martial arts! I can learn that technique and get that pill!” Her fist clenched and unclenched rapidly.
Videl rubbed her temples. “How are you going to train for that? You can’t go near a fire!”
Ranma-Chan stopped and her expression dropped. “I forgot.”
Videl facefaulted. She picked herself up, and they continued walking. “If only there was some way of competing against my dad’s speed of jumping to conclusions.”
Ranma-Chan nodded. “I’ll think of something.”
When they arrived at the Satan mansion. Ranma-Chan went straight for the back yard and went about building a fire. She went to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of chestnuts and took them outside. She tossed the nuts into the fire and started to make punches at the fire. She stopped them all way too short.
Videl shook her head. “I told you.”
“I’ve gotta to do this!” She tried a couple more times. “Too hot!” She cried.
“What’s too hot?” They both turned to see Mr. Satan standing behind them. “What are you two doing out here with a campfire? You planning to make hotdogs for dinner?”
“No daddy.” Videl replied. “Ranma’s trying to learn a new technique.” She went on to tell him about the Chestnut Fist.
Mr. Satan stroked his mustache in thought. Maybe if I pull this technique off, I could convince Videl that this gender-bending freak isn’t worth her time. “I’ll show you how it’s done! Stand aside boy!” He pushed Ranma-Chan out of the way and rolled up his sleeves. “After all, I’m the one who defeated Cell!” He started thrusting his hands into the fire. After a few punches he smelled something different burning. “You guys smell that.”
Ranma-Chan raised an eyebrow. “Your hair is on fire, oh great Cell-beater.”
“AAAAAHHHHH!!! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!”
Videl threw the pail of cold water Ranma-Chan had prepared to put out the fire with over her father’s head.
“Baka.” Ranma-Chan went back to staring at the fire.
After a couple more days, Ranma-Chan was in the dumps about the whole mess. Videl decided it was time to tell Ranma-Chan about her latest purchase. “Ranma! I’ve got a surprise for you!” She had a playful grin on her face.
Ranma-Chan looked gloomily at her. “What?”
The raven-haired girl led the redhead into the house to a large crate that was sitting in the personal training room (gymnasium). The side of it was labeled, ‘Capsule Research and Development Division’. In smaller lettering it said, ‘Speed Enhancer’. Videl pulled on a crowbar and the sides of the crate fell away to reveal a seat with a board filled with buttons in front of it. “What do you think?”
“Uh…it’s, uh…what is it?”
Videl smiled and plugged the machine in. The buttons on the board began to blink in random sequences. “Just sit down and I’ll hook you up.” Ranma-Chan sat down and Videl began to hook electrodes to the redhead’s body.
“Uh, what are these?”
Videl have a mischievous grin on her face. “Motivation. Now, what you have to do is follow the blinking lights by pressing the lit button. If you miss one, it gives you a tiny jolt. I’ll start you on a lower level.” She adjusted the settings and hit the start button. “Now press the button that is lit.”
Ranma-Chan moved her hands at a good speed and hit all the buttons. “This is easy. How can this help me?”
“Just let me turn up the speed.” She turned a dial.
The pigtailed girl started hitting the buttons frantically trying to get the lit ones. Videl turned the dial another notch and Ranma-Chan began to lag behind. Finally she missed one.
BZZZZAT!!! “OOOOAAAACCCHHH!!! HOLY $#!^!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!?!”
Videl smiled. “That’s the motivation. You get faster or you get shocked. We’ll have you doing the Amaguriken before you know it.”
Ranma-Chan thought for a second, and then she began to laugh. The laugh started getting maniacal as she turned the dial up a notch.
The pigtailed martial artist played with the machine well into the night. Videl finally gave up and went to bed, figuring Ranma would stop before hurting herself. Wouldn’t she?