All Mixed Up AG

Chapter 11

The day was bright and clear and Gohan took the opportunity to enjoy the calm that had recently been denied to him. Ever since Ukyou had moved in, there had been tension in the air any time the chef, the youngest Tendo, and their mutual boyfriend were in the same room. Considering the fact that neither one felt safe in letting him out of their sights, that was quite often. So Gohan was enjoying this moment of peace, which only existed at school around gym time.

“What a haul! What a haul!”

Or at least it did exist… Gohan looked to the source of the noise. After seeing a small, bouncing, purple figure, he groaned. ‘So much for peace and quiet. The old pervert is back.’ Tearing off in the direction of the aged martial artist, Gohan missed seeing the horde of angry girls chasing after the Master of the Anything Goes school of Martial Arts. Their presence was made quite obvious when he suddenly found himself trampled underfoot.

After the horde passed, Gohan pulled himself up, only slightly worse for wear. Dusting off his clothes, he noticed that Ukyou was standing next to him. Despite the looks the other students gave her and the fact that she was trying to catch Gohan’s eye, Ukyou continued to wear a boy’s school uniform. Old habits were just very hard to break. Gohan had to admit that even though she was dressed like a boy, she still managed to look extremely cute.

“Who… or WHAT was that?”

Gohan grimaced. “That was the guy who created Akane’s style of fighting.”

Ukyou raised an eyebrow at that. “Ookay… and why were those girls chasing after him?”

“Because he’s a perverted old freak that likes to grope cute girls and steal their underwear.” Gohan looked carefully at Ukyou, which made her blush in embarrassment and just a hint of excitement.

“Wh-what?”

“Ukyou, there’s something weird about your uniform…”

Looking down, the chef had to agree. There was something not right about the look or feel of it. She opened up the front of the vest to get a better look.

Gohan’s eyes flew wide and he immediately spun around as the fact that Ukyou was wearing nothing under the uniform became quite apparent. “Ukyou!”

The brunette just stared for a moment longer before covering up and hugging her arms tightly across her chest. “I was wearing a bra this morning, I swear!!!” Feeling that something else was wrong, she pulled her pant tops open just enough to check. “And panties! I swear I was wearing panties this morning! I am not a wanton hussy!”

Gohan turned back around and put a calming hand on her shoulder. “Calm down, Ukyou… I’m sure you were… I’m also sure that Happosai stole them both.”

“B-but I was wearing them just a minute ago! H-how?”

“It’s a skill of his, that’s all I know.”

Ukyou shuddered. “Well, at least I know what that horde was all about… I think I’m going to go home and change.”

Gohan smiled softly at her. “Okay. I’ll get your homework for you.”

Ukyou smiled back at him with a strange look in her eyes. “Thanks, Go-chan.” Before he could react, she gave him a kiss on the cheek and darted down the street.

The young half-Saiya-jin just rubbed his cheek as he stared after her. It was a few minutes later before the strange, repetitive tapping noise caught his attention. Looking behind him for the source, he found a foot. Attached to that foot was a rather cute leg. Attached to the leg was a very pissed off Akane.

“Already kissing your cute girlfriend? In public?!”

The anger in her words was blatant for all to hear, but Gohan could also sense the hurt underneath. “Akane, she just had her first groping by that freak and it shook her up pretty bad. I don’t think she realized what she was doing. Don’t you remember how it felt when he did that to you?” Seeing Akane’s temper slowly coming down, he felt it was safe to continue. “Besides, I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me and it was only on the cheek.”

An odd look came into Akane’s eyes. “Which cheek?”

Gohan pointed at the offending location and was startled when the raven-haired girl grabbed his face and kissed his other cheek in the same place. Blinking repeatedly, Gohan could only stare after her as Akane turned and walked away.

Just before he was out of earshot, she looked over her shoulder and called out, “Now we’re even.” As Akane made her way to class, she thought to herself, ‘That was actually fun, especially the way his eyes bugged out.’ Akane found herself skipping the rest of the way.

The next day, unfortunately, found a repeat of Happosai’s raid. Gohan managed to avoid getting trampled this time, but once again Ukyou had to go home early to get replacement underwear and Akane found some reason to get jealous. Gohan had the sinking feeling that a trend was forming.

On the third day, nothing happened and he began to feel hope. When Happosai wasn’t spotted for the entire school day, the students rejoiced and even threw a small party after classes were over. The fourth day found Gohan wandering aimlessly across the school grounds trying to avoid calling attention to himself. He had finished the calculus test quickly, so the teacher gave him permission to leave the class until the next period. Gohan enjoyed the calm, quiet serenity of the afternoon.

“What a haul! What a haul!”

Gohan grimaced as he heard those words. Or at least he had been enjoying it. Recognizing the voice instantly, he turned around only to be greeted by an army of angry girls crashing into him with Akane at the lead. This time things went a bit differently. Apparently none of the outraged females had noticed the lone young man standing in their warpath, but they couldn’t ignore him any longer when Akane plowed into him and bounced backwards. She collided with one of the girls behind her, knocking the unfortunate pursuer into the girls who were further back. A cascade effect, much like dominoes or bowling pins, resulted in the entire war party falling on their collective derrieres.

Gohan started to help Akane up, but then he noticed that Happosai had landed just within reach. Darting his hand out quickly, he made a grab for the old pervert. Unfortunately, like every time before, the ancient master did something his pipe and sent the young man flying into a wall. Gohan thought about using the Kamehameha again, but he really didn’t want to scare everyone and there was just too much of a chance of collateral damage. After a few more failed grabs, Happosai bounced off on his merry way, much to everyone’s displeasure.

Ukyou walked over as the old pervert made his escape. Reaching down, she helped Akane to her feet and then the two of them yanked Gohan out of the rubble that used to be the school wall.

Akane growled at nothing in particular. The past few days had been a nightmare when the aged martial artist had returned to terrorize the school. Glancing over at her live-in competition, Akane raised an eyebrow. “Why didn’t he go after you this time, Ukyou?”

The okonomiyaki chef shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t know I’m really a girl.”

Gohan walked right into the trap. He glanced down at her chest which, though straining somewhat against the male cut of the uniform, was still obviously bound by something else. “I find that hard to believe.”

Akane steamed massively as Ukyou gave her a subtle smirk of victory. “So kind of you to notice, Go-chan.” She smiled even wider as Gohan blushed some at the nickname. The youngest Tendo turned and stomped over to where the other girls were still picking themselves up. “But more than likely it’s because I’m wearing boxers right now, as well as just cloth to bind my chest. They work better with the uniform that way.”

Gohan nodded in understanding. “Makes sense.”

A short distance away, Akane and the other girls were discussing battle plans. “Okay girls, here’s what we’ll do…”

Out on the lawn, Gohan glanced up from his text book and just made out Ryouga’s bandana and tanuki passing a short distance away. ‘Who are those other two with him?’ He started to call out, but the lost boy and his companions turned a corner and were out of sight. Shrugging, he returned to studying. He wasn’t sure just how much time had passed when suddenly there was the sound of falling trees. The fact that the crashing sounds were heading for the girls’ lockers caused Gohan to worry that Happosai was up to something. He bolted off in the direction of the noise and arrived just in time to see a huge amount of gym equipment lying on the ground.

Akane and the other girls came running around the corner, a wide variety of blunt objects in their hands. Seeing their trap empty, they started to murmur amongst themselves. Akane spun around and rallied the girls together. “Everyone to your battle stations! We won’t let him get into our locker rooms, now will we?!”

Gohan smiled softly. ‘Akane really is something special.’ He frowned as he considered the fact that he was no longer engaged to her. The frown didn’t last long as he remembered that they were still friends, and maybe something more. The frown returned when he remembered that Ukyou was involved as well. He could see a broken heart on the horizon, and he had no idea whose it would be. Distracted as he was, he almost didn’t notice the girl in time as he rounded a corner.

Seeing that she was standing stiff as a board and staring at him, Gohan was worried that he might have scared her. Not recognizing the redhead, he smiled and asked, “Where are you going?”

The girl seemed to sweat a little and Gohan wondered if he had accidentally frightened her. She took two deep breaths and in an incredibly cute voice said, “I’m just a lost little girl.” She nailed him with big puppy dog eyes. “Can you point me towards the girl’s locker room?”

Gohan relaxed a little. ‘Not too scared, then.’ “Sure.” He turned and pointed in the direction that the redhead was already facing.

“Thanks.” Gohan watched for a moment as the girl headed off. Shrugging too himself, he continued his search for Happosai. ‘Now, if I can just catch him alone I can go all out and get rid of him for a while.’

His thoughts and search were interrupted as he heard a chorus of girls scream, “PERVERT!” Bolting back to the locker room, Gohan saw Akane storming out. “What happened?”

Akane glanced over at him as she tried to get her anger under control. “Some pervert BOY tried to walk right in to our locker rooms dressed as a girl.” Akane started to continue, but she noticed that she was talking to empty air. “Why… that… JERK! He didn’t even wait for me to finish!”

A short distance away, Gohan heard a crash. Running to the source, he found a tree that looked like it had argued with a wrecking ball and lost. ‘Man, whoever did this is strong. I hope it wasn’t Ryouga or I’m going to have to teach him how to walk around obstacles…’

Some time passed with no results by either search party. Akane stormed into the locker room and the other girls gave her plenty of space. The reason for that was the fact that several boys, who had merely made the mistake of possessing a Y chromosome, had received the Wrath of Akane in her search for the guilty pervert. The youngest Tendo had just taken off her shirt when she noticed a small black pig near the lockers. “How cute!” She picked the piglet up gently and held it to her chest as she smiled down at it. Several of the other half-dressed girls came over to look. Suddenly two streams of blood began pouring out of its nose.

“What’s wrong with it?” One of the girls asked.

Akane shook her head. “I don’t know. He was alive a second ago.”

Any further thoughts were interrupted as a young boy with a pigtail charged into the room and snatched the piglet away from Akane. “Dammit pig, can’t you do anything right?”

Suddenly the young man seemed to realize just where he was. Dozens of girls were all hefting large, blunt objects and Akane started screaming at him. Before any of the instruments of pain could be brought to bear, the young man bolted, dropping the piglet as he ran.

Akane paused in her pursuit long enough to pick up the mostly unconscious piglet and hold it close. As she was about to rejoin the rest of the girls, a strange girl came up to her and pointed at the pig. “You going to eat that?”

Akane blinked in confusion and glanced between the stranger and the pig. There was something vaguely familiar about the dark-haired girl, but Akane couldn’t quite place it. “No! What do you think this is?

“Bacon, duh!”

Akane’s retort was cut off as the pigtailed boy suddenly bolted past, snatching the pig away from her. “Hey! That’s the pervert!”

The stranger looked indignant at that. “That’s my boyfriend, not a pervert!”

Akane put her hands on her hips. Despite that weird, familiar feeling she was getting from the girl, the stranger was really getting her ticked off. “Then what was he doing trying to break into our locker room?”

Before the stranger could respond, Gohan came over. “What happened?”

Akane growled as she pointed in the direction that Ranma had run. “It was that pervert again!”

“He’s not a pervert!” The other girl growled.

“I’ll handle it,” Gohan commented as his survival instincts warned him that sticking around would be a bad idea.

Keeping an eye out for Happosai and this mystery pervert, Gohan missed seeing the redheaded girl until he had already bumped into her, causing her to spill her drink. ‘Oh, man…’ “I’m sorry, but I was looking for a pervert and wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”

“What do you mean pervert?” The redhead said defensively.

Gohan blinked at her reaction and tried to calm her down. “Some guy tried to break in and steal the girls’ underwear!”

“I di-… uh, I’m sure it was just a mistake.” Gohan noticed that the girl was getting nervous again.

“Well, I’ve got to get to the bottom of this. I’m sure I’ll find the truth one way or another.” Gohan turned and went off in search of perverts. As he did, an idle thought ran through his mind. ‘She didn’t seem too hurt even though I ran into her… she must be pretty strong…’ He looked for a while and found nothing until he spotted Ryouga. What surprised him was the fact that Ryouga seemed to be trying to seriously hurt a redheaded girl, who had apparently tripped just moments ago. ‘What is wrong with him?!’ Without any further thought, he shoulder rammed Ryouga into the school wall. Turning towards the girl, he recognized her from earlier and offered her his hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” The girl slapped away his hand, much to his surprise. She stood up and walked away on her own.

Next to the wall, Ryouga recovered his footing just as Akane ran into him. “Uh-uh… A-Akane! W-what’s going on?”

“Oh, hi Ryouga… There’s a pervert running around her trying to get into our locker room.”

“Really? In that case, I’ll be your bodyguard!” Before Akane could inform him that she was quite capable of taking care of herself, the lost boy took off running, shouting, “I’ll get you, you pervert!”

Akane just shook her head at the boy. “Well, at least there are two boys who aren’t perverts…” Suddenly she heard a scream from the locker room. Cursing to herself, she ran in that direction and spotted that strange girl and BOTH perverts. Happosai was being held by the boy and the poor black-haired girl had obviously just been groped. “See, I told you he’s a pervert!”

The girl glared at Akane, to her surprise. “He’s never seen him before!”

Akane growled, once again trying to figure out just where she had seen this girl before. “Sure! That’s a likely story.” An idea suddenly hit her. “You’re working with them! How could you!? You’re as bad a pervert as they are!”

The other girl’s temper apparently hit the nuclear stage and a massive catfight ensued. Though many people consider such conflicts a spectator sport, the two perverts decided that discretion was the better part of valor and left. After a few more nasty comments, the girls came to blows.

The stranger threw the first punch, a skillful jab that almost connected. Akane’s opinion of the girl went up just a little, but without her weighted clothes to slow her down the youngest Tendo knew she was going to win. Ducking her head to avoid the jab and its follow-up, Akane planted a knee in the girl’s stomach. There was something odd about the way the impact felt, but the fact that the girl had the wind knocked out of her for the moment pushed any concerns from Akane’s mind.

The girl finally got her breath back and launched a complex counterattack that managed to catch Akane on the chin at one point, rocking her head back. The damage wasn’t much, but the fact that she had actually gotten hit pissed her off. She launched a devastating series of punches that knocked the girl around quite badly, despite the fact that the stranger actually managed to block a lot of them.

At one point, the stranger staggered backwards and tripped over Akane’s weighted clothes that were lying on the floor. Feeling that she had made her superiority quite clear, Akane began to ease up. She smirked as the girl lifted up some of the clothes and Akane’s ego began to soar as the stranger got an odd look on her face.

Standing up, the girl smirked. When she started to take off her clothes, Akane could only blink in surprise. When the oversized orange t-shirt hit the ground with a loud thud, joined a few moments later by a pair of wristbands and shoes, Akane gulped. The realization that her opponent was about to get faster and stronger hit her like a ton of bricks, as did the girl’s sudden attack. The next few moments were filled with pain as the stranger went to town on Akane.

‘I know I’m stronger than her!’ Akane thought as she tried to grapple with her opponent. ‘But she’s just too fast!’

When Akane was no longer able to stand on her own, the girl snorted derisively and staggered out. Just as she left, Gohan came in. He blinked in surprise to see a badly battered Akane on the floor and he knelt down swiftly to help her up. “Are you okay?”

Akane growled under her breath. “She was too fast.” She gave a pained chuckle. “Great, now I sound like Ryouga.” She looked Gohan straight in the eye. “We ARE going to increase my training.” Gohan knew that there was zero room for debate on that issue.

Suddenly one of the walls caved in and two figures burst through, shattering the water main. As the pipes ruptured, a huge fountain blasted out and sent the two intruders hurtling into the air before Gohan or Akane could make out who they were. Worried for their safety as well as hoping to catch them while they were defenseless, the young half-saiyajin launched himself into the air. Before he gain any real height, a clay pot came crashing into his head and knocked him into the water.

Although the pot was apparently quite strong, Gohan’s head was definitely tougher. Landing on his rear, Gohan picked a few shards out of his hair as he stood back up. He looked over at Akane and Ukyou, who’d picked that moment to try and find out what all the commotion was about. “Let’s just call it a day. I’m soaked.”

As they walked home, Ukyou glanced over Akane’s bruises. “What happened back there?”

“Some perverts were helping Happosai raid our lockers.”

“What did they look like?”

“A boy and a girl.”

Ukyou raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? What? Is everyone a pervert to you?”

Akane glared back at her. “Look who’s talking.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean?”

“Gee, do you dye your hair brown? You sure SOUND like a blonde.”

“Overbearing violent psychopath!”

“Stupid tomboy bimbo!”

Gohan rolled his eyes and considered fleeing in terror from the impending catfight. ‘No, that’d just get their attention… maybe I should just pretend I’m not here. Yeah, that should work.’ Suddenly he noticed both girls glaring at him. “What?”

In unison, the girls yelled at him, “Are you going to let her talk about me that way?”

Before the doomed victim could respond, Ukyou and Akane turned their glares back on each other. “Well then,” the brunette growled, “maybe I won’t tell you that your beloved idol was spotted in school today.”

Akane growled right back. “And just who are you talking about.”

“Videl.”

Akane laughed derisively. “Yeah, right… like she’d…” The raven-haired girl’s throat seized up as clues clicked into place. “I… hit… Videl…”

Ukyou raised an eyebrow at her, as did Gohan. “Come again?”

“That girl in the locker room… the one who beat the crap out of me… was Videl.”

Ukyou started laughing hysterically. Gohan thought of something else, however. “That would mean that the pervert you were looking for was probably Ranma.” Fortunately for him, Ukyou was too busy laughing to hear that, but Akane latched onto the concept like a drowning man to a life preserver.

“Of course! Ryouga was right, he IS a pervert!” Akane turned around and headed home, focusing on the fact that she had proof of Ranma’s perversity while completely blocking out the fact that she had tried to beat up the woman she most admired.

Watching Akane’s moods swing wildly, Gohan simply decided that he didn’t and probably never would understand women.